Posted tagged ‘tired’

“Sometimes it’s the same moments that take your breath away that breathe purpose and love back into your life.”

January 21, 2018

This is not one of my better mornings. My grumpiness is wasted as I’m here by myself. I’m also tired as I was restless all night and didn’t sleep well. I’m coughing though I don’t think I have a cold, but just in case I’ve decided to stay home to watch the Pats instead of watching with friends. No Typhoid Mary here.

Today is relatively warm. The sun is shining but from behind clouds. Nothing is stirring. It’s a quiet day.

The laundry is upstairs and put away, but I have two more bags of laundry waiting to be washed. They’ll wait a while. I have plenty of underwear.

Getting older sometimes means getting a bit jaded. I think that would be the worst, to see the world as only dulled or tired. I look for the adventure in each day, for something new or something changed. When I get the mail, I stop at my car, rest my back and watch the world for a few minutes. I see the beauty. I realize how lucky I am.

When I was little, I made memories. The school corridor, wider than a river, went on for miles. Nuns were all six foot and muscular, even the old ones. The Five and Ten was magical. Everything you wanted or needed was on one of its shelves. The railroad tracks just kept going and going as far as any of us could imagine, even to China. The woods were filled with adventures. Blueberries grew everywhere. The turkey needed two people to lift it out of the oven. The Christmas tree touched the ceiling and filled the living room.

Life is gigantic when you’re little. It’s a surprise wrapped in paper and lots of ribbon. The sun is brighter, the snow deeper and the rain heavier. New still happens. Believing is easy. Santa is real and so are the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. I know the memories I share with you every day may have been tempered by time, but I swear most of them are true, except maybe the one about the nuns. A couple of them might have been five ten.

“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.”

December 31, 2017

It is 1:49 AM. I was up late, and it was getting cold. Because the thermostat is programmed to go to a lower temperature at 11:30, I went and moved it from automatic to manual and put up the heat. The furnace did not kick in. I turned the thermostat up a bit higher and still nothing. I went down the cellar and the furnace was silent so I came right upstairs and called the emergency service. The house is now down to 64˚. The pleasant woman who answered the phone at this ungodly hour said someone would be right there. Of all times for my furnace to die it has to be in the middle of a record breaking freeze.

I did some errands yesterday. One was to the hardware store, another for dog food and the third to the grocery store for toilet paper. I also bought two pieces of pizza for supper as a sort of reward for going out when the temperature was only 19˚.

The snow started before dark. It was a fluffy use a broom to clear sort of snow. The weather man even suggested using a leaf blower. I don’t know when the snow stopped, but it must have been quick as only an inch or so is on the lawn.

Gracie was shivering a bit. My hands are cold and so is my nose. Maddie is curled in a ball on the chair and sleeping soundly. I put an afghan on Grace, and she stopped shivering and has now fallen asleep. I’m glad the two of them are comfortable.

I checked the thermostat. We’re down to 62˚. It’s been longer than I expected for the furnace guy to come, but then I don’t know where he is coming from, and I’m guessing he was sleeping. Being roused at this hour to go out in the cold has to be unpleasant at best. Luckily I have a movie to watch: Alien Tornado. I’m thinking the title is a spoiler. I already know the plot.

I’m getting tired, but I know I can’t go to sleep not only because the repairman is coming but also because in every movie about people freezing they die if they fall asleep. Okay, I know that’s silly, but I couldn’t resist.

Girls scouts came today selling cookies. I didn’t really want any, but I figured they deserved to make a sale considering how cold it was. The oldest one said her mother told them not to come home until they’d sold at least half their cookies. She said they were just about there.

Today is going to be a nothing day. I don’t need to go out for anything except to bring Gracie out. I have another new book to read, and I’m really hoping I can say I’m going to be warm and cozy because I am neither right now. It has been almost an hour. I am getting impatient.

“Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine to the mind.”

February 28, 2017

I feel much better, but I’m tired. I so envy Gracie and Maddie and their morning naps. They must be exhausted after having breakfast. Added to that, Gracie had a trip to the backyard. How tiring that must have been. Later, they’ll wake up and have their dinners then both of them will need another nap. Standing and eating can be so strenuous.

When I was a kid, the last thing I’d ever do would be to waste any part of my day by taking a nap. In college I took some afternoon naps mostly to recharge after a party or a night on the town. In Ghana, everything closed down for naps. Because it was the hottest time of the day, a nap, to get out of the sun, was inviting. My students had to be in their dorms resting on their beds. In town the post office closed as did a few stores and kiosks. I got to like that time of the day. It was quiet on the school compound. Nothing much moved. I started taking naps. I haven’t ever stopped.

My outside Christmas lights are gone. My factotum, Skip, came yesterday to do some odds jobs, and the lights were first. Last night was really dark. There are no streetlights so the only lights were shining from the windows of a few houses but not in the houses nearest mine as people don’t live in them full time. If you walked around at night, you’d need a flashlight to navigate the neighborhood.

It was in the 40’s yesterday, not warm, just seasonable. Today will hit 50˚ but it is raining on and off. Tomorrow may set a new record in Boston. It won’t be warm enough for that here.

My front garden has flowers. Snowdrops and yellow crocus are blooming. They look beautiful, especially the yellow crocus. My eyes crave color during the drab winter. That yellow just pops and screams spring is coming.

I love that the day is getting longer and longer.

“I write to express and I shop to destress”

November 26, 2016

Okay, last night started off great. I watched, binge watched, all four episodes of Gilmore Girls. I had wanted to savor them, but I couldn’t wait. Each one got better than the one before so the last one, fall, was wonderful. It was like Gilmore Girls of old. I hated finishing. That happened about 1:30. I then went up to bed followed closely by my faithful hound Gracie; however, Miss Gracie didn’t settle down on the bed. She sat up, started gulping then panting. She moved around trying to get comfortable but couldn’t, and she was shaking. I turned on the light and tried to comfort her. That didn’t work. We went downstairs, and I let her out. By this time it was after 2. She came in, jumped on the couch and laid down. So did I. That lasted only minutes before she was up and panting again. We did the spider plant routine. I cut and held and she ate. Now we were closing on 3:30. I went upstairs, got my pillow and blanket. I took all the cushions off the couch and made myself as comfortable as possible. Gracie jumped on and was okay for about 15 minutes. I went back to the dining room followed by Gracie. I snipped more spider plant fronds which she scarfed down. After that, Gracie seemed okay so we went back to the couch. That didn’t last either as she wanted out again. It was close to 4:30. When Gracie came back inside, she jumped on the couch, got comfy and fell asleep. I couldn’t get comfortable. My last time check was 5:00. I woke up at 11.

Last night had a silver lining. Maddie didn’t howl. I think she was entertained by the antics of Gracie and me; also, she had company.

It is a good thing I live alone as I am a bit grumpy. I woke up with a headache and a back ache. Both are almost gone due to the miracle of modern over the counter medicines, but grumpy still remains. I have hopes of getting out today despite the rain. Perhaps a bit of shopping and a stop for lunch will make me fit for human company again.

“I think insomnia is a sign that a person is interesting.”

August 30, 2016

Most mornings are starting the same way. I turn off the air conditioner because the air is cool. The sun bobs in and out of the clouds. It gets dark for a while then lightens. The animals nap. Maddie prefers the chair, Fern the couch and Gracie her crate. I have a couple of cups of coffee, one with each newspaper. It is quiet both inside and outside.

Yesterday I did laundry. Today we’re going to the dump. Peapod came last night so now my larder is full. Mostly I order the same things, but this time I added a few new items. I bought popsicles. They didn’t have root beer so I went with the combo of cherry, orange and grape. I’m not a big grape fan, but I do love cherry. I also bought bagels, onion bagels. I like them toasted crispy and slathered with cream cheese. I also went wild and ordered crunchy peanut butter.

I had a hankering for Chinese food yesterday so I ordered take out for dinner. It was delicious: jumbo shrimp, spare ribs and house special fried rice. I added the hot mustard to the sweet sauce for dipping. My eyes watered from the heat of the combination. It reminded me of my father who used the mustard straight. He had to blow his nose a lot. It was a good thing he carried handkerchiefs.

Usually I fall asleep almost as soon as I go to bed. Last night was an exception. I didn’t even go upstairs until after one and then tossed and turned for an hour. I gave up the idea of sleeping and watched Netflix on my iPad. It was The Fifth Wave, not a great movie but good enough for two in the morning. It wasn’t enough. I was still wide awake. I watched a few episodes of The Last Ship. By then it was after four. Finally, I fell asleep. I’m tired.

“If a doctor treats your cold, it will go away in fourteen days. If you leave it alone, it will go away in two weeks.

March 10, 2016

My mood and the day are too similar to ignore. It rained earlier. The ground is still wet. The sky is a light grey. My mood is just a bit darker. I woke up very late and did not want to get out of bed. Gracie and Fern adjusted their respective positions on the bed, and we all went back to sleep. I had to force myself to get up. Two cups of coffee are just not enough today.

My house is clean. Roseana and Lee came yesterday. Dump day is tomorrow. I checked and the bird feeders still have seeds though I did have to replace the suet in both of those feeders. The clothes are all washed. There are no dirty dishes. I got books at the library yesterday. I finished the newspaper’s crossword puzzle. As all of this sounds like paradise, why the mood?

My voice is raspy. I have a headache. I am exhausted (spell check came up with a better word: exhumed) for no reason. All I can think of is maybe the cold I avoided knows spring is upon us and wants to get me before winter takes its final bow. This makes me unhappy. It also makes me grumpy.

I figure to loll in bed, take whatever medication I have and read the day away. That actually sounds inviting. The only thing missing is the maid and a bell by my bed to summon her.

This will last a day or two as I’m not coughing or blowing my nose. On the measurement of colds, something I just made up, I’m about a 3 or a 4 out of 10. If I were a little kid, my mother would have sent me to school: two symptoms do not a cold make.

The worst part of a kid’s cold is a runny nose. I hated having a runny nose. My mother used to stuff my pockets with Kleenex. That left a dilemma. Where do I put the used Kleenex? I couldn’t keep getting up from my desk to put them in the trash so I’d stash them in my school bag or the pocket of my sweater if I happened to be wearing one. Nothing is worse than a used Kleenex.

My mother usually had a Kleenex or two in her handbag. The problems were the Kleenex was a crumbled mess, often had lipstick on it and brown bits of tobacco from my mother’s cigarette package clung to it. I had no choice but to use that Kleenex. It was always a mystery to me why my mother didn’t want it back. To me, it sort of fit right into her bag.

“My grandma always said that God made libraries so that people didn’t have any excuse to be stupid.”

January 6, 2015

I’m still waiting for the celebration. Bring on the balloons, the cake and the conical hats. I did it. I took down almost all of Christmas yesterday. Only the trees are left for tonight’s lightning, for the celebration of the Epiphany.

I carried empty boxes up the stairs and filled boxes back down the stairs to the cellar. Some boxes were so heavy I couldn’t carry them so I slid them down the steps one step at a time. The block Christmas tree was the scariest to carry downstairs. Given my history, I was afraid of falling and scattering all those blocks, but I didn’t. It is safely secured until next year. The special ornaments went into individual small boxes then into the ornament box. The snowmen are still around the house and will stay a while longer. With the tree lights, the house still has a bit of the festivities about it. Wednesday will be a dark day. I miss Christmas.

I am not good with numbers, never have been. I counted on my fingers until at least college. If I hadn’t worn shoes, my toes would have extended my math ability. Words are my strength. When I first learned to read, I read everything I could at the Dick and Jane stage. I got to know their animals and their little sister. The more I read, the better I read so Dick and Jane were left in the dust. I read real books, not the ones filled with pictures. The books in school were boring so I went to the town library. That began my love affair with libraries. The college library was for studying and research though I often ran into friends who convinced me it was time to grab a drink or two after all that academic effort. My town in Ghana, Bolgatanga, had a wonderful library. It was designed by award-winning American architect J. Max Bond Jr. The design of the library always made the inside feel much cooler than outside. I was a frequent visitor.

I still go to the my local library and am on the board. I used to buy books all the time, but now I borrow most of them unless I just can’t wait to read the newest book from a favorite author.

I’m tired today, and I have PT which in this case,. after yesterday, might just mean physically tired.

“I dont hate it he thought, panting in the cold air, the iron New England dark; I dont. I dont! I dont hate it! I dont hate it!”

February 7, 2014

Today I am grouchy and tired having not slept well the last couple of nights. I want someone to cross me so I can take my mood out on an unsuspecting stranger. I mean, really, I’d hate to do it to a friend or Gracie and the cats. Maybe a telemarketer will call.

It’s sunny and the sky is blue, but it’s a ruse. The morning is cold. Luckily there is no breeze or wind to make it feel even colder. I have to go out for an appointment so I’m going to add a bit of fun shopping to make the trip palatable. I’ll stop at odd shops, the ones with antiques and little doo-dads. I’ll go up-cape for a change. I’ll bring my camera and my dog.

Everyone is sick of winter. My cousin, living in New Hampshire, said it was about 5 below when she got to work this morning. Compared to her, I live in the tropics. For my sister in Colorado it was 4˚ yesterday though today is supposed to be hot at 40˚. I think it’s the snow causing all these winter woes. It chills the air making it even colder, and without it, we might be able to dupe ourselves into thinking warmer thoughts: I’m lying on the lounge chair on the deck with my face toward the sun. My eyes are closed. The sun is hot so I cool off a bit by taking sips of my drink, the one with the little umbrella. Astrud Gilberto and Brazilian salsa is playing in the background. Okay, I can’t keep doing this.

One look out the window to the snow-covered yard, and I am back in the throes of winter: to the furnace blasting to heat the house, to drinking hot coffee to warm my innards and my cold hands and to wearing flannel pants, a hooded sweatshirt and socks and slippers around the house every day. It’s no wonder I’m grouchy! Even Pollyanna would be having a tough time about now.

“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”

July 21, 2013

A cooler day with no sun but lots of humidity is today’s weather. I turned off my air and opened all the windows and doors. The house needed the fresh air after being closed up the whole week. It. looks like it rained for a few minutes earlier this morning. I was expecting thunder showers and am disappointment by the rain’s poor showing. Gracie and I are going to the dump today.

Yesterday I bought some vegetables at a couple of farmer’s markets. I also bought some balsamic vinegar, olive oil and corn chowder base. It was in the early morning, but the heat became too much too quickly so I hurried home to the cool house where I did two loads of laundry. Last night I had dinner at my friends’ and neighbors’ house and got home around ten. It was by far my longest and most productive day in over a month. Today I’m pretty much done in. I see the dump, a shower and a nap in my future.

I remember when I was twelve I had a white visor I wore all the time. It was like a girl’s version of a baseball cap. I have a few pictures of our family vacation that year, and in every picture I’m wearing the visor. In one picture I am leaning against a tree and have a hand in my pocket and one leg bend at the knee resting on the tree trunk. The white visor is, of course, on my head. It was obviously posed, but in it I see the first glimmers of a teenage me. I think it was the pose I chose and the look on my face. I wasn’t a little girl any more, and I knew it, white visor and all.

When I’d meet relatives I hadn’t seen in a long while, usually my parents’ aunts and uncles, each identified me as George’s oldest or Chickie’s oldest (the name my mother was known as since she was a little kid). I don’t think any of them ever knew my name. They identified me by the parent to whom they were related and my birth order. Just after I got out college for the summer, the one before my senior year, a car stopped by the house. In it were Aunty Madeleine and Aunty Clara, two of my mother’s aunts, my grandmother’s sisters. They asked for my mother. I explained she and my father had gone away for the weekend. They stayed in the car, and we conversed through the window. Aunty Clara right away wanted to know who was taking care of us. I told her I was. She was shocked and couldn’t imagine my parents had left us alone. I told her I was nearly twenty-one and quite old enough to babysit for a weekend. She didn’t say anything, just frowned. Aunt Madeleine said good-bye, and they drove away. I don’t think they even knew who I was. No one asked if I were Chickie’s oldest.

“In actual life I am a grumpy old bag.”

January 27, 2012

The wind is blowing, and it’s pouring rain. My computer decided it wanted to ignore me so it froze several times. I cursed each time and screamed in frustration once. I must scream a lot as Gracie never stirred from her nap. She just kept on snoring. Today I am grouchy and tired. My guess is the lack of sun is finally taking its toll. It’s warm at 52° but what good is warm when it’s so wet? I do love the rain, but I’ve had enough of it the last week. It rains the whole night or the whole day or both.

I have no ambition today. Looking at the world through my window makes me want to stay right here. I will not get dressed and I will not make my bed. I might even watch television, something I never do during the day.

Walking home from school on a rainy day meant getting soaked. We didn’t have rain coats or rain boots or even an umbrella. They would have been extravagances. We had snow gear and warm winter boots but nothing for rain. I remember my hair was plastered to my head and bubbles rose from my shoes by the time I walked home. Once we were inside the door, my mother would quickly hustle us down to the cellar to hang up our coats and leave our wet shoes. I remember walking upstairs to my room to change and seeing footprints on the wood floor from my wet socks. I thought it was kind of cool. My mother was less appreciative. She’d follow us upstairs and grab our uniforms to put them on hangers to dry over the radiators as we’d have to wear them the next day. While we were sleeping, my mother would iron them so they’d look fresh for the morning.

I loved the feeling of being warm and dry in my pajamas and slippers. It seemed strange to be wearing them in the afternoon, but play clothes made no sense on a rainy day. Sometimes I’d fall asleep snuggled under the covers. Other times I’d read my book the whole of the afternoon, my favorite way to spend time.

Today I will stay in my pajamas and feel cozy and warm. I might also take a nap and probably read. Maybe my grumpiness will disappear.