Posted tagged ‘grumpy’

“Sometimes it’s the same moments that take your breath away that breathe purpose and love back into your life.”

January 21, 2018

This is not one of my better mornings. My grumpiness is wasted as I’m here by myself. I’m also tired as I was restless all night and didn’t sleep well. I’m coughing though I don’t think I have a cold, but just in case I’ve decided to stay home to watch the Pats instead of watching with friends. No Typhoid Mary here.

Today is relatively warm. The sun is shining but from behind clouds. Nothing is stirring. It’s a quiet day.

The laundry is upstairs and put away, but I have two more bags of laundry waiting to be washed. They’ll wait a while. I have plenty of underwear.

Getting older sometimes means getting a bit jaded. I think that would be the worst, to see the world as only dulled or tired. I look for the adventure in each day, for something new or something changed. When I get the mail, I stop at my car, rest my back and watch the world for a few minutes. I see the beauty. I realize how lucky I am.

When I was little, I made memories. The school corridor, wider than a river, went on for miles. Nuns were all six foot and muscular, even the old ones. The Five and Ten was magical. Everything you wanted or needed was on one of its shelves. The railroad tracks just kept going and going as far as any of us could imagine, even to China. The woods were filled with adventures. Blueberries grew everywhere. The turkey needed two people to lift it out of the oven. The Christmas tree touched the ceiling and filled the living room.

Life is gigantic when you’re little. It’s a surprise wrapped in paper and lots of ribbon. The sun is brighter, the snow deeper and the rain heavier. New still happens. Believing is easy. Santa is real and so are the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. I know the memories I share with you every day may have been tempered by time, but I swear most of them are true, except maybe the one about the nuns. A couple of them might have been five ten.

“I write to express and I shop to destress”

November 26, 2016

Okay, last night started off great. I watched, binge watched, all four episodes of Gilmore Girls. I had wanted to savor them, but I couldn’t wait. Each one got better than the one before so the last one, fall, was wonderful. It was like Gilmore Girls of old. I hated finishing. That happened about 1:30. I then went up to bed followed closely by my faithful hound Gracie; however, Miss Gracie didn’t settle down on the bed. She sat up, started gulping then panting. She moved around trying to get comfortable but couldn’t, and she was shaking. I turned on the light and tried to comfort her. That didn’t work. We went downstairs, and I let her out. By this time it was after 2. She came in, jumped on the couch and laid down. So did I. That lasted only minutes before she was up and panting again. We did the spider plant routine. I cut and held and she ate. Now we were closing on 3:30. I went upstairs, got my pillow and blanket. I took all the cushions off the couch and made myself as comfortable as possible. Gracie jumped on and was okay for about 15 minutes. I went back to the dining room followed by Gracie. I snipped more spider plant fronds which she scarfed down. After that, Gracie seemed okay so we went back to the couch. That didn’t last either as she wanted out again. It was close to 4:30. When Gracie came back inside, she jumped on the couch, got comfy and fell asleep. I couldn’t get comfortable. My last time check was 5:00. I woke up at 11.

Last night had a silver lining. Maddie didn’t howl. I think she was entertained by the antics of Gracie and me; also, she had company.

It is a good thing I live alone as I am a bit grumpy. I woke up with a headache and a back ache. Both are almost gone due to the miracle of modern over the counter medicines, but grumpy still remains. I have hopes of getting out today despite the rain. Perhaps a bit of shopping and a stop for lunch will make me fit for human company again.

“Sadness is almost never anything but a form of fatigue.”

April 30, 2016

My house was chilly this morning. Even Fern’s fur felt cold. I finally remembered my thermostat has its own mind on the weekends so I checked and found the house was 64˚. I turned the thermostat to manual and cranked up that heat to a respectable 68˚. It is blowing now, and I can already feel the difference.

The color of the sky is so lovely it almost doesn’t look real. It is as if a painter mixed his blues until he found the perfect one. The sun is bright but hasn’t yet the strength to warm the air. It is sweatshirt weather so I suppose I shouldn’t complain as winter coat weather wasn’t that long ago.

My current funk continues. I figure a really warm day, a ride in the car with the windows down and a Dunkin’ Donut butternut donut would go a long way in brightening my weekend.

I can’t remember the last time I jumped from grumpy into a funk. Usually grumpy goes away quickly because I take a ride and sometimes find something entertaining or funny or I shop and happen upon exactly what I wanted or what I needed or, even better, a surprise I never expected. I think shopping at little stores will be what I’ll do today. I’d love a surprise.

If the weather changed enough and got much warmer, I could while away the hours on the deck and that would totally upend my mood. I always think of Cinderella and the blue birds. I loved the one in the kerchief.

That blue bird reminded me nobody wears kerchiefs any more. My mother would sometimes wear one to hide the bobby pins she used to curl her hair, but even bobby pins are gone. If I needed one, my mother would rummage through her purse and almost always found one at the bottom. She also used to find pennies and tobacco. I remember each curl was held by a bobby pin. It must have taken hours to do that.

I am the only one awake. I think I’ll have another cup of coffee and maybe some toast.

“If a doctor treats your cold, it will go away in fourteen days. If you leave it alone, it will go away in two weeks.

March 10, 2016

My mood and the day are too similar to ignore. It rained earlier. The ground is still wet. The sky is a light grey. My mood is just a bit darker. I woke up very late and did not want to get out of bed. Gracie and Fern adjusted their respective positions on the bed, and we all went back to sleep. I had to force myself to get up. Two cups of coffee are just not enough today.

My house is clean. Roseana and Lee came yesterday. Dump day is tomorrow. I checked and the bird feeders still have seeds though I did have to replace the suet in both of those feeders. The clothes are all washed. There are no dirty dishes. I got books at the library yesterday. I finished the newspaper’s crossword puzzle. As all of this sounds like paradise, why the mood?

My voice is raspy. I have a headache. I am exhausted (spell check came up with a better word: exhumed) for no reason. All I can think of is maybe the cold I avoided knows spring is upon us and wants to get me before winter takes its final bow. This makes me unhappy. It also makes me grumpy.

I figure to loll in bed, take whatever medication I have and read the day away. That actually sounds inviting. The only thing missing is the maid and a bell by my bed to summon her.

This will last a day or two as I’m not coughing or blowing my nose. On the measurement of colds, something I just made up, I’m about a 3 or a 4 out of 10. If I were a little kid, my mother would have sent me to school: two symptoms do not a cold make.

The worst part of a kid’s cold is a runny nose. I hated having a runny nose. My mother used to stuff my pockets with Kleenex. That left a dilemma. Where do I put the used Kleenex? I couldn’t keep getting up from my desk to put them in the trash so I’d stash them in my school bag or the pocket of my sweater if I happened to be wearing one. Nothing is worse than a used Kleenex.

My mother usually had a Kleenex or two in her handbag. The problems were the Kleenex was a crumbled mess, often had lipstick on it and brown bits of tobacco from my mother’s cigarette package clung to it. I had no choice but to use that Kleenex. It was always a mystery to me why my mother didn’t want it back. To me, it sort of fit right into her bag.

“Dear beautiful Spring weather, I miss you. Was it something I said? “

March 23, 2015

If I’d only looked out the window, I’d have thought sunny, warm day, and I’d be mostly wrong. The sunny part is right, it’s difficult to miss that one, but warm it isn’t. It is really cold, winter cold, hat and heavy coat cold. It was 23˚ this morning and will stay this way until Thursday when it will reach 50˚, but there’s a kicker. It will rain all day Thursday. It is like getting a beautifully wrapped gift which is empty when you open it.

As I get older, I get a bit grumpier and far less likely to abide extremes. Too cold-I’m complaining; too hot- I’m complaining; too much snow- massive complaining. We haven’t had much rain so I’m holding off on the complaining probably until Friday. Given I live alone, I complain but no one hears me except the dog, and I don’t get a lot of responses from her. She just wags her stub tail and hopes for a treat.

Being a kid was so much easier. I didn’t care if it was hot or cold or rainy. I’d wear the least amount of outside winter clothing I could and hope my mother wouldn’t catch me. Coming home from school in winter usually meant my hat was in my pocket, my coat was unbuttoned and my mittens were probably still in my sleeves. I just didn’t notice the cold. In summer, I didn’t notice the heat. Even the hottest days didn’t stop me from playing softball or horseshoes or walking to and from the pool on the other side of town. I didn’t have a fan or an air conditioner at night. I was exhausted from the day, and that was enough.

Even in Ghana I accepted the world as it was. Complaining seemed discourteous. I was a guest. The lack of rain for months in the dry season was just an opportunity to say, “Looks like rain,” to my friends or for them to make the same observation to me. It wasn’t going to rain, and we chuckled at the humor of it all. Day after day would be over 100˚, but we’d find ways to adapt. When it finally rained just about every day, we never had an umbrella or a raincoat. We just got wet. The cold nights in December were wonderful, and we burrowed under wool blankets, happy for the sensation of feeling cold.

I miss the days of snow angels, of catching snowflakes with my tongue and of building snowmen with twig arms, but I’ll just wax nostalgic and stay inside warm and cozy. I still love puddles and seldom pass one by without whacking it with my feet and watching the water spray. I guess there are some things you just don’t outgrow.

“In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.”

April 11, 2013

The other day Margaret Thatcher died. The Iron Lady is no more. She was, in so many ways, a trailblazers for women. She was the first woman to become prime minister of Britain and the first to lead a major Western power in modern times. She led her Conservative Party to three straight election wins and held office for 11 years — May 1979 to November 1990 — longer than any other British politician in the 20th century.  Her obituary says it far better than I could.

“…by the time she left office, the principles known as Thatcherism — the belief that economic freedom and individual liberty are interdependent, that personal responsibility and hard work are the only ways to national prosperity, and that the free-market democracies must stand firm against aggression — had won many disciples. Even some of her strongest critics accorded her a grudging respect. ” Here is her entire obituary.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/09/world/europe/former-prime-minister-margaret-thatcher-of-britain-has-died.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&ref=obituaries

Today is a damp, rainy day perfect for my mood. I’m a bit cranky. The dog and cat had a standoff and the lamp fell and the bulb was a casualty. Naturally I have no extra bulbs. Both of the animals ran in different directions, and I cursed the two of them. The three phone calls I’ve had so far this morning were all medical. My new glasses are in, my prescription is ready and would I like to save money by switching prescription providers. Not a pleasant call in the bunch. My other cat has appeared and so far she has escaped my wrath. I am blaming my back for all of this. I used to be pleasant, the sort that sings and has birds land on her finger to sing along. Okay, I stole that one from Sleeping Beauty. See, the day is so bad I’m even plagiarizing.

I want a season all by itself. I don’t want a winter’s night and a spring day. When the windows are open and fresh air fills the house, I almost can’t get enough of it. Everything the sun touches looks new. On a sunny day Gracie stays out most of the day. Right now she’s sleeping on the couch and snoring.

Yesterday I did errands and today I have more to do. That is so wrong. It ruins my day inside and my day outside pattern. I should not have to get dressed and should be able to sit around and read all day today interrupted only by a nap. See, I warned you I was cranky!

“Forgive me if I snap at you. I’m myself today.”

February 17, 2012

When it is in the 40’s, the precipitation is rain. It started early last night, before six, and continues into now. The drops are small, closer to mist, but it is a storm nonetheless as the drops come steadily. The rain brings a pall not only to the day but also to me. I miss the sun. It hasn’t appeared in a while, and I crave the light. When I woke up this morning, I stayed in bed for a bit trying to think of a good reason to get up and about. I didn’t find one, but I got up anyway, took my shower and grumpily faced the day.

I took my time reading the papers and drinking my coffee hoping for a spark to brighten my mood, but the grumpy part hasn’t changed. Luckily I am the only one affected. The animals ignore me. They’re asleep; it’s morning nap time. The three of them are here with me. While Fern is snoring a bit, Gracie’s breathing is heavy, and Maddie sleeps soundlessly curled in a small ball. Each has her own spot. They won’t move from here unless I do. Wherever I go, Gracie will follow me. She always does.

My entire chore list for the day is to make my bed. I could do some grocery shopping, but that would only feed my mood. Even on the best of days, I hate to grocery shop. I have a feeling that nothing would lighten my mood today, not even balloons and Publisher’s Clearing House.

I figure I’m due for cantankerous and a grey day is the perfect excuse.