Archive for the ‘Musings’ category

“Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.”

February 25, 2012

The weather is 43° and sunny but cool and windy. It’s also one of those days, the sort you get stuck with every now and then and could do without if given a choice. Last night I woke up so many times I’m still tired. I remember a weird dream about a college in Oklahoma I was attending. I went there on a bus where I met another student, Louise, also going my way. My uncle came to visit, and I didn’t recognize him which made sense because I don’t have that specific uncle in real life. He walked up the stairs toward me and we shook hands. I remember he had great eyes, beautiful brown eyes, and was wearing a white t-shirt and jeans. I gave him a tour of the campus which was quite crowded then invited him to come to class with me. That’s the last I remember as I woke up for about the third time. The dog, sensing I was awake, moved around and curled up next to me. I fell back to sleep for a couple more hours but don’t remember any other dreams. It was a weird night.

I never thought about the extra day in a leap year. I knew about February from the month rhyme, “Except in Leap Year, that’s the time When February’s Days are twenty-nine,” but I never stopped to think about the implication: a leap year has 366 days. That’s like getting an extra day as a gift, a sort of crossing the international date line without really going anywhere. They never mentioned it in school. I was always taught 365 days; they just left off any mention of the extra. I guess they didn’t want us confused.

I do have a couple of errands to do today so I’ll have to face the world regardless of my mood. My hope is not to run into anyone I know. Pleasant isn’t on my to-do list.

“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”

February 24, 2012

When I woke up the first time, I could hear the rain. I decided it was too early to get up so I turned over and went back to sleep. When I woke up the second and final time, large, wet flakes were falling, and there was a slight cover of snow on the ground. Since then, the rain has returned. For tonight a wind advisory has been issued. The number of changes in just one day’s weather are amazing.

The Cape Times mentioned North Atlantic right whales are back in the bay far earlier than expected. It seems the ocean is about 3 and 1/2 degrees warmer than usual at this time of year. Also, copepods, the plankton which draws the whales here for feeding, are earlier than usual. The strange winter continues.

I was going to go to the dump, but the rain puts me off being outside flinging trash bags. I need nothing from the store, and I have no other errand so today I will be a slug, stay in my cozies and do nothing constructive except maybe make my bed. But then again, I might want a nap so making the bed could be a waste of time.

I’m sitting here without a light on. I can hear the rain on the roof and see drops falling. Maddie is rubbing against my leg hoping for some attention. Fern is sleeping on the back couch cushion. Gracie is also sleeping and so deeply sleeping I can hear her breathing and see the tip of her tongue. She got up a while ago, stretched, came over for a pat then went right back to the couch. Maddie is standing here while I scratch her back. My father always used to say he’d want to come back as an animal in one of our houses. Looking around my den, it’s easy to understand why.

“I ain’t ever had a job, I just always played baseball.”

February 21, 2012

In the Globe this morning was an article about people buying fertilizer and loam for their lawns. The author likened our current weather to that of Washington DC around this time of year. He said we are about two months ahead of our usual growth schedule. I can attest to that. The rhododendron in my front garden has buds. All over the rest of the garden are green shoots from the bulbs I planted last fall. The nights get chilly but the days are warm, in the 40’s, and tomorrow will be in the 50’s, but I’m not quite taken in by this quirky weather. Being a New Englander, I’m skeptical. I expect snow is probably right around the corner just waiting to catch us. I just can’t shake it.

The sports’ pages are more interesting since baseball’s spring training started. This morning I got a chuckle. Bobby Valentine, the new coach of the Red Sox, has announced that all players will ride the bus to spring training games. All I could think of were bus rides back in my day.

The oldest ruled the back of the bus, the elite section, first class. I pictured Youkalis and Ortiz sitting there, the only two players left from the 2004 team. Pedroia by virtue of his talent and work ethic would also be welcome. He’d be the one shooing away the lesser players. Rookies must sit in front. The rest of the team can sit in the middle seats. We always sang on bus trips so I imagined the Sox belting out the likes of Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Sweet Caroline with all the appropriate responses, Wild Thing and maybe even Shipping Up to Boston even though Papelbon left for the big bucks. Pedey would dance in the aisle and Bobby would have him sit down and behave. Speaking of Bobby, why is it that a grown man is still called Bobby by people other than his family? I guess it’s a sports thing where growing up often optional.

“I cannot pretend to feel impartial about colors. I rejoice with the brilliant ones and am genuinely sorry for the poor browns.”

February 20, 2012

By this time of year people are usually complaining about the cold and the snow and the whereabouts of spring. You meet someone in the supermarket and right away the conversation turns to the weather where you have common grounds about which to chat as you choose your pasta. The word cold is bandied about as people whine and complain and you pick the ziti. This year, though, is entirely different. Cold has a new definition and complaining has taken a different form. Now we complain when the weather is in the 30’s, a temperature which used to be a reprieve from the freezing days of past winters. Today is 35°, and I think it cold. The weatherman predicts the rest of the week will be in the 40’s and Thursday will be close to 50°. That’s winter, at least this year, and I have no complaints.

This morning I noticed all the green shoots in the garden close to the house. I can see three daffodil bulbs, but I forget what flowers the rest of the shoots belong to. Last fall I planted a bundle of different bulbs so I have no idea what’s coming. I figure that’s like getting a gift from spring.

Summer clothes are always the brightest. Winter clothes seem drab by comparison, and I think that the whole color thing ought to be reversed. In winter we should be dressed as brightly as we can be in orange and yellow and pinks and violets and all their combinations. Usually it is Easter which brings back the color in clothes, and that’s not when we need it. By Easter the world has already begun to color itself in bright blossoms and flowers and berries. The gardens are alive and the tree leaves are fresh and bright. It is in winter when we should be at our most brilliant.

Today I will wear the brightest color I can find, maybe even a Hawaiian shirt. I know I’ll have to wear a long sleeve something underneath to keep me warm, but that’s okay. It’s the color you can see that’s important.

In case you’re wondering, I’m that bedazzling shopper in the pasta aisle.

“I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.”

February 19, 2012

The sun came back again today and has that sharpness I always associate with a cold winter’s day. The breeze is blowing the dead leaves still hanging on the ends of the oak branches. I noticed buds on a few of the bushes in my front garden. I wish I could warn them not to be seduced by this winter’s weather.

Today I’m tired. I turned off my alarm and went back to sleep but luckily woke up in time to meet my friend for Sunday breakfast. Our place was unusually crowded, and a line waited outside for  booths. It was more like a summer morning than one in winter.

The worst part of winter is having cold hands or feet even in a warm house. When my feet are cold, my whole body is cold. Yesterday was one of those days even though I was already wearing socks and slippers, but they just weren’t doing their jobs so I went hunting for my favorite old wool socks, the ones with moth holes on the bottoms. I finally found them, put them on and then put my slipper socks over them. I stuffed my hands in the pocket of my hoodie and finally I felt warm.

Summer means so many things to me. Summer is lazy days reading on the deck under the umbrella. Warm summer nights are for playing games and eating dinner outside with friends. I can remember the taste of the first of summer’s barbecued Tony burgers, named after my friend who concocted them. On Saturdays, summer is movie night on the deck with Raisinettes and popcorn. Most of all, though, summer is  baseball.

Today the pitchers and the catchers report. Soon enough we’ll be hearing the cracks of the bats and the shouts of the crowd. I can hardly wait for opening day.

“To the solemn graves, near a lonely cemetery, my heart like a muffled drum is beating funeral marches.”

February 18, 2012

I screamed and ran but tripped on something. I knew I couldn’t save myself so I covered my head with my hands and waited for the end. Luckily it didn’t come. Whatever was in the sky was harmless; it even felt warm, almost welcoming. After a while, I removed my hands, shaded my eyes and looked upward. There was a round, bright ball in the sky. I was awed.

Today is sunny and warm and beautiful.

When I was in Ghana, I went to two funerals. One was for my student, Margaret Atiah, who was a FraFra, a member of the local tribe. The other funeral was for my principal’s husband. They were Ashanti and lived in a huge house near Kumasi. He had died in Rome, and we sat on the porch of her house, Mrs. Intsiful and I, waiting for the casket.

The funerals were so very different. Margaret’s was tribal, traditional. She was carried, wrapped in a grass funeral mat, by relatives, all men, up to her family’s compound in the hills. The men ran carrying her body over their heads. We, the mourners, followed. The body was brought into a compound where the women shaved the hair off Margaret’s body. They believed that because you came naked into the world, you also leave naked. Margaret was to be entombed with her parents. She was considered too young for her own tomb. After the women were finished, Margaret was wrapped in the grass funeral mat which covered her completely. She was then carried to her parents’ grave. It had already been opened. The pieces of pottery which had covered that opening were on the grass to the side and would be replaced over the cover when the funeral was finished. A naked man went into the tomb and waited. The grass mat was held over the opening and her body was dropped inside to the man. I was told he would place her beside her parents. There was no ceremony the way we know it. The tradition was the ceremony. Her daughter, who was about five, had had her head shaved in mourning for her mother. The family gave us a goat so we could eat together as a school family and remember Margaret.

The second funeral was far different. The casket had a porthole which showed the man’s face; it was placed on his bed in the middle of the room. The rest of the room was empty. We mourners circled the casket. Many people moaned and screamed as they walked by it. The sound of grief was constant. His son screamed Kwabena, Kwabena, his father’s name, over and over out a window. At one point, as I was standing to the side, a man came up to me and said he thought white people were amazing. He said there was sweat on the upper lip of the deceased making him look alive. I didn’t bother to explain.

When the time came, the casket was placed in the back of an open hearse, and we walked behind it to the cemetery. Prayers were said, and the body was lowered into the ground. We then walked back to the house. Food was served and people danced and sang. Death was celebrated.

Living in Ghana gave me experiences beyond measure.

“Forgive me if I snap at you. I’m myself today.”

February 17, 2012

When it is in the 40’s, the precipitation is rain. It started early last night, before six, and continues into now. The drops are small, closer to mist, but it is a storm nonetheless as the drops come steadily. The rain brings a pall not only to the day but also to me. I miss the sun. It hasn’t appeared in a while, and I crave the light. When I woke up this morning, I stayed in bed for a bit trying to think of a good reason to get up and about. I didn’t find one, but I got up anyway, took my shower and grumpily faced the day.

I took my time reading the papers and drinking my coffee hoping for a spark to brighten my mood, but the grumpy part hasn’t changed. Luckily I am the only one affected. The animals ignore me. They’re asleep; it’s morning nap time. The three of them are here with me. While Fern is snoring a bit, Gracie’s breathing is heavy, and Maddie sleeps soundlessly curled in a small ball. Each has her own spot. They won’t move from here unless I do. Wherever I go, Gracie will follow me. She always does.

My entire chore list for the day is to make my bed. I could do some grocery shopping, but that would only feed my mood. Even on the best of days, I hate to grocery shop. I have a feeling that nothing would lighten my mood today, not even balloons and Publisher’s Clearing House.

I figure I’m due for cantankerous and a grey day is the perfect excuse.

“Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world.”

February 16, 2012

Last night was one of those why aren’t I sleepy nights but finally, around 2 or 2:30, I felt tired so I dragged myself upstairs to bed. Until then, the TV was my only distraction. I did try reading, but I just couldn’t make my mind hold on to the words, and I lost track of the plot by the third paragraph, despite a couple of re-readings, so I gave up. My next activity was a few games of cribbage on Pogo but even that didn’t hold my attention.

Amazingly it was still 40° when I went upstairs. I almost wanted to go for a walk, but good sense led me to bed where I finally fell asleep.

The warmth has held and right now it is 45°. When I went to get the paper, I had to stand outside for a while because the air smelled a bit like spring, all fresh and new. It also felt like a spring morning when the air has a chill without being cold. If the sun were out, I’d be sitting on the deck, but, alas, we have a grey day though I still have hopes for the sun as the sky seems to be getting lighter.

Today is errand day, and I have three stops to make. When I finish, I’ll going to take a ride up-Cape as it has been a while. I know there are croci blooming along 6A. I think they’re just what I need, and they’ll go perfectly with the feeling of spring in the air.

“Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine!”

February 14, 2012

Before Valentine’s Day, we’d spend one art class making our valentine boxes out of shoe boxes brought from home. We’d use crayons and construction paper and, for those of us lacking any creative talent, our imaginations. Boxes were covered in paper then decorated with red hearts and a few flowers. We’d make slits in the tops of the boxes so all the valentines we expected would fit inside. In those days, the valentines were small, made from light cardboard, and they had silly sayings on the front. The backs were empty so we could sign our names. They even came with envelopes we addressed with our classmates’ names. My mother would buy a few boxes of the valentines, and we’d sit at the kitchen table and write them out then put them in the box to carry them to school. They never went into the school bag. They were too precious. The boxes were carried by hand with great reverence.

During the day we  had to keep the boxes under our desks. That was the worst as the day went so slowly, and we could see each others’ boxes just sitting there while we wasted our time on arithmetic and English and whatever else was forced into our heads. I doubt we learned anything. We were clock watching, just waiting and biding our time until the party.

All of us brought something for the party: sugar cookies in the shapes of hearts, cupcakes with red frosting or bags of conversation hearts which said Be Mine or True Love or I’m Yours. None of us ever believed the sentiments. We just ate the candy.

The party was always the last part of the day. Away went the books and on our desks came the boxes. We’d take out our valentines and students, called by rows, would walk around and put an envelope in someone’s box. Sitting at my desk, I’d hold my breath hoping I’d get a valentine or two or several.

Once everyone was finished, the party began in earnest. We’d get to chat and eat and open our valentines. I remember hoping for one from my latest crush and being thrilled when I got it. When school ended, we’d walk home talking the whole way about the party and showing off our valentines.

We carried our boxes home with even more reverence than we had carried them that morning. The valentines inside were special.

“Basically, my life is so boring, it’s embarrassing.”

February 13, 2012

It’s still winter. The little bit of snow we had has frozen. It cracks every time I walk over it. On the deck, Gracie’s paw prints are permanently etched in the ice, and she too makes noise as she walks on it to go down the stairs. She goes gently down the stairs and walks on one side where there is no ice. Smart dog that Gracie!

She and I have a few things to do today so we’ll both bundle. She’ll wear her Pendleton wool coat with the stripes while I will be dressed far less stylishly in a flannel shirt and a hoodie.

This morning I have already been productive, an unusual event for this early. I took my shower and have just started my second load of laundry. The bed is even made. I have no explanation for this sudden burst of energy. It may be guilt over the number of days of sloth I have enjoyed of late.

My life right now is boring. I don’t even have a book which holds my attention. I keep picking one up, reading a few chapters then putting it down to try another. Nothing is on television, not an uncommon problem, but I would love a good movie to hold me enthrall for a few hours. I haven’t much ambition left for today. I already used most of it up this morning but did save enough for my few errands.

A few minutes ago, I heard a bang upstairs then something falling. Some excitement I thought. First I accounted for all three animals: Fern on the couch pillow, check; Maddie on the seat cushion, check; Gracie with me, check. Then the two of us, the dog and I, raced upstairs, but I found nothing. Neither did she as Gracie just sat on the bed and watched. I checked the eaves but nothing there either. I am perplexed.

The washing machine just sounded. It’s time to move the clothes to the dryer. I guess I’m done here for the day.