Posted tagged ‘moods’

“It’s not always easy to distinguish between existentialism and a bad mood.”

March 8, 2018

The rain came yesterday in the mid-afternoon and stayed all night. It was sometimes so heavy it pelted the roof loudly enough to drown out the TV. Boston and further north had snow, a wet, heavy snow, the sort which looks beautiful for a minute then you notice how laden down the trees and branches are, and you hope they survive. Some wires fell from the weight of the snow and even blocked major roads. Here the sun has been trying to come out of the clouds. Twice now the sky has brightened. I get hopeful. I need sun to dispel my dark mood, a mirror of the rain and the clouds.

My Travelocity gnome and my pink, plastic flamingo are in the den. They winter here. In the warm months they live on my deck. It is a special occasion when they travel from winter to summer, from the den to the deck. I always think there should be a parade and music. They are announcing summer is finally here, a cause for celebration, for good food, and for warm days lolling on the deck. Right now, though, all of that seems a sweet memory.

From when I was kid, I remember winter most of all. My school was an old one with high windows and drafts of cold air so for most of the winter we all wore sweaters. I remember walking across the field below my street, a sort of shortcut home, and having to walk backwards because of the wind. My cheeks turned red and numb. The wind blew up the sleeves of my coat. My ears always hurt even when I was wearing a hat as it mostly just covered my head so I’d put my mittened hands over my ears trying to warm them just a bit. Mostly I failed. By the time I’d get home, I was freezing. Right away I’d take off my school clothes and get into my pajamas and slippers. I’d wrap myself in my blanket. In a short while, I was warm and all the parts of my body had come back to life.

I have no energy today, and I don’t care. It is the weather which is causing this foul mood.   A bit of sun is all I need.

“The momentum of the mind can be vexingly, involuntarily capricious.”

August 12, 2013

The weather and I have much in common today as neither one of us is at all content. The day is cloudy then sunny then cloudy again. It is as if Mother Nature is trying to figure out what best fits her mood. I too don’t quite know what to do. I have this antsy feeling of needing to do something, but I don’t know what. It isn’t the travel bug: I know those symptoms all too well. Driving home from breakfast I checked out houses and yards as if I hadn’t seen them before and looking, I think, for something out of the ordinary, something new to satisfy my strange mood. I noticed many different sorts of fences. My least favorite was the white vinyl picket. That doesn’t seem to belong here and is one I would discount as a good neighbor. One house had a Williamsburg bird house attached on the front. I hadn’t noticed that before even though I’ve driven by that house countless times. The Yarmouth Garden ladies were working on the side road medians planting and rearranging flowers. Theirs are always the prettiest medians. I’m not a fan of seashell pieces as a border between the yard and the road. They become choked with weeds and their essence is lost. I noticed some house fronts are bare: a door and two windows: no ornamentation, no shutters and nothing to catch the eye. They are the plain Janes who never draw attention to themselves. I wonder about the people who live in those houses. I think of them as unimaginative, their closets filled with interchangeable clothes of bland colors. They buy yellow cheese in individual cellophane wrappers. Their bread is always white.

Even the river was quiet this morning. No one was fishing, and I didn’t see a single boat. The water was calm; no white caps broke the monotony. I waited in a line of cars to turn at four corners, each with its own stop sign. Every driver was polite. No one rushed through taking someone else’s turn.

I came home to a quiet street and a quiet house. All three pets are sleeping and Gracie isn’t even snoring. I will be hard-pressed to find anything to satisfy my mood today as I’m not even sure what it is. I am not a fan of days like today.


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