Posted tagged ‘contentment’

“Just tell yourself, Duckie, you’re real quite lucky.”

July 28, 2014

Yesterday I decided I was perfectly content. At the time I was sitting in my AC cooled house watching a really, really bad science fiction movie called Sharktopus, hunting on-line for a DVD of The Thing with Two Heads and eating muhammara and bread. All of a sudden I had a revelation. I didn’t need a thing.

When I was growing up, people asked me what I wanted to be, but they never asked me how I wanted to feel. If you think about it, that seems a really important question. How did I want to greet every day of my life? Did I want to bemoan my fate or smile at the luck of having another day. I suppose I could have said that whatever I chose to do had to make me happy, but no little kid would think that in a million years. Besides, I was too busy thinking about the next day or the coming weekend, about as far ahead as I could handle. I knew I wanted to travel suffering as I was from Barrett syndrome, but I had no idea where. Somewhere, anywhere was okay with me. I didn’t have a plan. Traveling for the sake of traveling just hung around my head and never left.

In the long run, I have always been thankful for the trip of my life. It has been far more than I could ever have imagined. I’d tell ten-year old me to enjoy what’s coming. I’d also tell the young me not to worry. Bad times don’t last. Good memories do.

No question about it: I am content, and I greet every day with a grin.

“What he had not learned, however, was this: to find contentment in himself and his own life”

March 24, 2011

All my optimism of yesterday is buried under a couple of inches of snow. I also noticed the bird feeders are empty again so I’ll trudge through the snow on the deck to fill them after I finish here. The snow showers have started again. First there were a few wispy flakes, but now the flakes are larger and falling faster as if they have illusions of grandeur. I don’t want to go anywhere. I figure I’ll shower, put on my cozies and read. I’m thinking an afghan on the couch.

I’m typing and reading out loud as I type. It is my way of hearing the words and proof reading as I go along. Gracie, asleep on the chair, sighs loudly every now and then. I figure she is dreaming of the day she can lie on the grass in the backyard and be warmed by the sun. The cats are upstairs under the bed near the heater. None of us seem to have much energy. Some days are like that.

I just can’t seem to pull my eyes away from the window. Begrudgingly I have to admit the falling snow is pretty. It is not supposed to amount to much, but this is March and this is Cape Cod and when it comes to spring weather, there are no guarantees.

The day is dark, and the light in here is on. In the living room, small electric candles are lit, and in the basket by the fireplace the gourd lights shine through and there are shadows on the wall. The snow is heavier now than earlier. When I started writing, I was feeling a bit bored and a little lonely. Now, I feel a sort of contentment: happy to be home, happy to be warm and looking forward to being lost in a book. Some days just surprise me.