Archive for the ‘Musings’ category

“It was only a motorcycle but it felt like a mode of being.” 

May 12, 2023

Each morning, when I first wake up, I look out the window in my bedroom. This morning I saw the brightest sun and a deep, deep blue sky, a beautiful day with a high of 78° and a low of 54°. The weather report, though, does say a moderate chance of scattered showers after 3 PM, but I figure moderate makes it unlikely.

It is time to put my factotum, Skip, to work. I have a long list of spring work, things like replacing boards on the deck rail, power washing the deck and wooden chairs, planting pots with flowers and herbs and decorating for the summer with flags and candles and the fish table. I’m ready for coffee and papers on the deck.

I need a new dump sticker. The town calls it a transfer station sticker, a euphemism. The cost is $190.00. That gives me the privilege of dumping my own trash and recycling five days a week. How exciting!

Once, on a bus, I saw a woman who was constantly talking light her cigarette then put the lit end in her mouth. She sputtered and spit. I have no idea why I remember that.

I have a confession. On my way to Sandwich a long time back when I was young and reckless I got stopped for speeding, not once but twice. I got a warning each time. I have never had a speeding ticket.

I loved riding my Honda in Ghana. When I bought it, they taught me how to shift. My trip home from buying it was 100 miles on a paved road. The ride took well over four hours. I was a bit nervous when the lorries and the buses passed me. I could feel the breeze. I only stopped once to stretch my legs and buy some fruit from an auntie selling along the roadside in some small village. I noticed people walking on the roads or in the fields without seeing a compound or a village. I wondered where they came from and how far they were walking. I had a helmet. Peace Corps insisted we wear one and sent one to me. I didn’t wear it much. It was hot and bulky. I was attacked, sort of, by a herd of goats. They turned into me and hit my bike. That surprised me, and I dropped the bike and got burned from the exhaust. Another time, in the bush, I saw a troop of baboons cross the road. I stopped. One of them gave me a long look, but I never moved and he lost interest. I used to ride into town for market day. I brought shepherd’s bags with me to load with my purchases. They are woven bags which stretch. I’d fill the bags with oranges, plantain, yams, eggs and even a pineapple. I’d put the heavy bags on each handlebar. They hung to my knees. I’d hope for the best.


“Sound unbound by nature becomes bounded by art.” 

May 11, 2023

It is a beautiful day. The sun is bright. The air is still. It could even get as warm as 70+°. The Cape is inching toward summer, and today is a preview, a delightful preview.

I have a concert this afternoon, the first in a busy concert season. In June alone there are ten. The fingers on my left hand are getting meaty.

The dogs scared the heck out of me around four this morning. Both of them, at the same time, jumped off the bed and ran downstairs. Henry was barking though that is not unusual. He is a loud boy. I decided not to go check, but, instead, went back to sleep. The dogs joined me.

In reading the paper this morning, I saw scrum used in a different way. I had only known it as a rugby play. The sentence read, “A scrum of reporters…” I checked and it also means a disordered or confused situation involving a number of people. It was used to describe the reporters surrounding Santos and yelling questions.

When I was a kid, I used to keep a dictionary close in case I ran into a word I didn’t know. Even now there is one by my bed but down here I just ask Duck.

When I was growing up, my house and yard were filled with sounds. I loved the turning sound of the phone dial, the click click. My father always used a hand mower. It too had a click click sound. Our fridge didn’t hum. It always made all sorts of what sounded like grunting noises as if it were having trouble keeping up with its responsibilities. Floors creaked. The stairs creaked even more. The back door always slammed despite my mother yelling about closing the door. We knew when the milkman and the garbage men came. They had a metallic sound. The milkman’s bottles hit the wire basket. The garbage man used his foot to open the metal cover then pulled out the metal bucket filled with garbage. When he was done, he’d use his foot to slam the cover down.

I remember the sounds of the stores uptown. Cash registers had bells sounds and their drawers had metallic clangs when they slid open. There was no music in stores, but every now and then the supermarket had an announcement. Bells hanging on the door frames rang when shop doors were opened. At the bus stop by the movie theater, the bus engines were noisy and smoke always came out of the exhaust.

In my house and yard the sounds are intermittent. The sweetest sounds are the birds greeting the day, and the chimes ringing in the wind. When the school bus goes noisily down the street, Henry barks. The landscapers are the noisiest. Henry barks at the sounds of the motors. In the house, I can hear the furnace working, and the clink of ice cubes falling into the tray. I hear the beep when the coffee is brewed and when the microwave has finished.

In the darkness, the night birds sing and the frogs croak. The streets are quiet. It is my favorite time of the day.

“There are no uninteresting things, only uninterested people.”

May 9, 2023

The sun has managed to poke through the white clouds hiding the sky. Today is a bit cooler than yesterday. It is in the 50’s. The air is still. Everything is quiet.

The new string of lights on the deck rail keeps the darkness away. The spawns ate through my last string so this time I bought two with one in reserve. The deck side and the gate look lovely. I walk outside just to see them. Around them is darkness. Close to them is light.

When I am driving at night, I am surprised by how many houses have white lights shining from their windows. Some have strings of white lights and lit bushes, and I have even seen colored lights outside a couple of houses. I think we are all looking for the light to dispel the darkness.

When I was a kid, I never realized my days were all the same from morning to bedtime. They never felt stale or repetitive even though I got up at the same time every weekday morning, ate breakfast, got dressed then left to walk to school. I’d sit at my desk through subject after subject until lunch and recess then after lunch it was back to my desk for subject after subject. I’d race home after school to have some playtime before homework and supper. I’d stay around the neighborhood. We watched a bit of TV before bed. I’d read a little in bed before I had to turn off the light. I’d sometimes sneak and read under the covers with a flashlight or the bed lamp from the headboard of my bed. I got caught but only sometimes so I always thought the peril of discovery was worth it.

Every day I got to learn new things. I was always surprised by the lunches my mother made. I remember chicken noodle soup in my thermos on cold days with a side of Saltines. The sandwiches were top notch, never PB&J. We had cookies for dessert and sometimes a Hostess goodie. I liked the chocolate cupcakes with the swirl on the frosting or Sno Balls, pink ones covered with marshmallow frosting and coconut. After school, my friends and I sometimes played in the field or the woods or even at the swamp. Other days we played games like Red Rover and Red Light, Green Light. We roller skated. We sat on the front steps and talked.

I have come to realize that days of sitting with a book or watching an old movie are fun days. They remind me of when I was young, when I wasn’t ever bored, when each day felt new even when I was doing the same things.

“Never forsake your motherland.”

May 8, 2023

Today is lovely, bright and warm. The sky is so blue it almost defies description. It is 65° and will get warmer as the day gets older. My windows are open. It is time to blow away the winter and fill the house with the sweet smells of spring. I am glad for today as tomorrow will be cooler.

When I lived in Ghana, my home, Bolgatanga, was almost as far away from the capital as you could get. I knew before I left staging in Philadelphia where I would be posted because the remote postings were the first filled. If you stayed in Accra for a while and then you were taken to Bolga, you’d think you were in a different country. The lush green of southern Ghana had disappeared and been replaced by the open savannah grasslands of the north. Bolga had one rainy season, a magical time when the brown fields came alive with green shoots and grasses, when the dusty roads were hardened by the rain. During the dry season, my lips chapped and my heels split from the dryness. The water was rationed, often turned off for a day or two so I took bucket baths. My students cleaned the school compound every morning regardless of the season then spent the day in classes. At night, they often visited me.

I was closest to my FraFra students. I sometimes think it was because they were from Bolga and were as resilient as the fields. The dry season for them was just another part of life to be endured while the rainy season was to be celebrated. The FraFra dances were exuberant, energetic, with quick movements filled with joy. Women traditionally danced the pogne with moving arms and stepping legs. Often the dancers were accompanied by clapping and singing. I tried a few times and almost fell over each time.

I knew, on my first trip back to Bolga in 40 years, I’d find my FraFra students, and I did on my first night back to Bolga. The word was spread that I had returned and students came to my hotel. I recognized them all. The only two missing were Franciska Issaka who was living here and Grace Awae who was in Accra. I was so sorry to miss both of them. When I got home, Grace called me, and we reconnected. It was the same with Franciska, and she came to visit. It was amazing to me that one of my students was in my house.

On the next visit, a year later, Grace met me at the airport, and we spent every day together. It was the same on the third visit, the one with Bill and Peg. Grace and Bea Issaka sat with us every night at our hotel. It all seemed so natural sitting at a table in Bolga chatting with friends.

I felt at home in Bolga each time I returned. My feelings, my love for Bolga and for my students, had never left me. They flooded my heart. I always think I got the best posting in the country among the most amazing people.

“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.” 

May 7, 2023

When I taught in Ghana, I became close to some of my students. They were FraFras, the local tribe in Bolgatanga. The students to whom I was the closest were Grace Awae, Francisca Issaka, Bea Issaka and Francisca Ateri. Francisca Issaka lives in the United States. The others stayed in Ghana. Grace spent time between Accra and Bolga. Bea stayed in Bolga as did the other Franciska. On my first trip back, the only one I didn’t see was Grace, but she met me at the airport on my second trip. We traveled Ghana together. Grace saw places she had never seen. When we reached Bolga, Bea joined us for our explorations. Both of them were in their 60’s but still called me madam. I had the best time. We laughed a lot about their school days, and Grace told me how she used to sneak into my backyard to have her hair plaited during the week which was against the rules as that was only supposed to be done on the weekends. I told her I always knew and even sneaked a picture. She laughed for so very long.

This morning my friend Peg called me. She told me Grace had passed. She was in Bolga, had trouble breathing and was taken to hospital where she died. I have no words.

“Saturday is the mightiest day of the week. It’s unshakably, overwhelmingly superior.”

May 6, 2023

This morning I dragged myself out of bed to watch the coronation. The pomp was perfect to consecrate and crown a new king. The ceremony and the traditions kept me interested. The music was beautiful, the audience colorful. I watched for three hours then went back to bed. Long Live the King!

Today is beautiful. It is 62° and will get even warmer. The sky is as blue as it ever is. The air is so still not even a leaf blows. Nala is asleep on the deck in the sun. A dog’s life is well lived, at least in this house.

When I was a kid, we had milk delivered. I remember the milkman’s truck and the jingle of the bottles clinking against each other in the wire carrier. The box for the milk was on the back steps. We always got a bottle of chocolate milk. We never drank it straight but mixed with the white milk so it would last longer.

I remember eating Rice Krispies while watching TV on Saturday mornings. I always lifted the bowl to my ear so I could hear the snap, crackle and pop.

I had winter boots. I never had rain boots. Nobody I knew had two sets of boots. My shoes and socks always got wet in the rain, even sodden. My socks sometimes got so wet I’d leave prints on the kitchen floor.

Saturday was my father’s errand day. He always wore white shirts to work and every Saturday he’d take them to the Chinese laundry uptown and pick up his clean shirts. Each shirt package had a sheet of cardboard keeping the shirt from wrinkling. My father gave the sheets to me, and I’d use them for crafts or drawing. My father used to get a trim at the barber shop. It only had a couple of chairs. The barber always wore a white coat.

When I was a kid, my favorite sandwiches were bologna with yellow mustard and sliced hot peppers. The peppers came from a jar, and I had to slice them. I also had to slice the bologna as it was from a roll. The slices I cut were irregular and sort of lumpy. The soft white bread collapsed around the lumps. Those were the ugliest sandwiches but they were also the tastiest.

I still like bologna, but I get it sliced from the deli. I don’t even have any yellow mustard. I often change the sandwich up and buy different mustards. My favorite of late is German mustard. I don’t buy white bread anymore, at least not soft white bread. Right now I have rye bread.

I have no beans, but I have hot dogs and top sliced rolls. I also have cole slaw. I toast the rolls with a bit of cheese. On the cooked dogs I add toppings, my mustard and Stonewall Kitchen’s Farmhouse Green Relish. That’s my dinner tonight.

“Those who don’t jump will never fly.”

May 5, 2023

Rain is the prediction for today with a temperature only in the 40’s. The sky is gray, a darkish grey. The wind is slight. The weather will change for the rest of the week and will be in the 60’s with lots of sun. On Sunday we may even reach 70°.

Nala has changed her tactics. She doesn’t bring much out but brings in plenty. My house has twigs and chewed pieces of bark on the floor and the rug. Henry even chews a bit. The nuns would call Nala an occasion of sin.

I saw some new flowers in the front garden this morning. They are purple and look a bit like grape hyacinths

When I was a kid, this was my favorite time of year. I loved walking to school in the morning. The air was filled with the sweet smell of flowers. The birds were many and loud. The gardens had come awake and brought color to sweep away the drabness of winter. I skipped joyfully.

In grammar school, recess meant hanging around in groups and talking or sometimes jump roping. I was only an okay jump roper. I knew all the rhymes to say, and I could the turn the rope as well as anybody could, but my feet after a while always got in the way. Fast jumping was way out of my league.

I liked to play hopscotch. We used to draw the hopscotch pattern on the sidewalk with chalk. It had single and double spaces. At the start of our turns, we had to toss a rock to the right numbered square so we’d pick out rocks without many sides so they’d land and not roll. The double spaces were easy as we had to land on two feet, one in each square. The hardest part was picking up the rocks in the single squares as that meant balancing on one leg and reaching down to pick up the rock. I was good at hopscotch.

Today I’ll do the errands I didn’t do yesterday. I was just too comfortable to be out and about.

“When the going gets tough, the tough get a librarian.” 

May 4, 2023

Today is bleak and rainy. The sky hangs low. It will be chilly all day. Going out on a day like today is uninviting, but I need cat food and dog treats. Without dog treats, I put my life in jeopardy.

On Tuesday I put my first load of laundry into the washing machine. Later, when I went down the cellar to move the wash into the dryer, I could smell death, machinery death. I opened the washer. The clothes were soaked. They had been cleaned but not rinsed. My washing machine is currently dead. I consider it a sign. Yesterday, I brought my laundry to the laundromat to be washed, dried and folded. It should be finished today.

If you are keeping score, that is 2 down: first the TV and now the washing machine.

I don’t have an electric can opener. I once had one, but it died of old age; instead, I use what is described on E-Bay as a vintage, retro old-fashioned can opener. It is silver. It is a struggle to use. The dog food cans I open now have no tabs so I turn and turn that old can opener. It takes a while because of my dog eaten finger. I’m almost tempted to go electric.

When I was a kid, my father ranted sometimes over silly things like not washing out a glass. I learned to let him rant without answering him or giving the slightest grin. He was harmless and just needed to vent. Once in a while, though, my mother stood behind him and made faces. It took all of my self-control not to laugh. I think I bit my lip.

When I was a kid, our dog Duke was not allowed on furniture, but he was smart and sneaky. At night, he’d sleep on the couch but he’d jump off when he heard someone coming down the stairs. He’d lean across the beds with only his toes on the floor. When he was older, he roughed it and slept on the rug in my room. He snored.

We had to be quiet in the library. We got shushed if we even whispered. The librarian spoke so quietly I had to lean in to listen to her when we interacted which was usually at the desk when I was taking out books. One side of the library had easy chairs. That’s where the newspapers and magazines were. Mostly old people sat in the chairs. The papers rustled. On the other side of the library were wooden tables and chairs. Teens sat there at night. The library was a meeting spot. Parents didn’t object to going to the library on school nights. In the middle, across from the doors, was the desk. Behind the desk were the card catalogues. I loved going to the second floor to hunt for books. I’d stand at the rail and make like Ozmandias.

“Life is more fun if you play games.”

May 2, 2023

Rain is predicted for today. The sun was straight out earlier but now just comes and goes. Today is warm, already in the high 50’s. The prediction is for 62°. When it is that warm, I almost want to run in the rain the way I used to when I was a kid.

When I was growing up, we always played board games. Every Christmas a new game was one of our presents. I remember Chutes and Ladders. I also remember the long slide we all wanted to avoid. We played Go to the Head of the Class with our parents. My brother was always Cowboy Joe. I still have our old game. Sorry was and is our all time favorite. My friends and I even played it the other night.

My parents taught my brother and me to play whist. It was the girls against the boys. The girls usually won. Even when we were older, we played cards around the kitchen table. Every time I visited, my father and I played cribbage. All of us played High-Low Jack or Pitch as it is also known. I remember one game when we were playing with partners, I don’t remember my father’s hapless partner. I do remember whoever it was trumped my father’s ace. My father went crazy. Somehow he hurt his back and fell off the bench to the kitchen floor. There he was lying there on his back still complaining about his partner. We just watched.

When we traveled, my parents and I, we always brought cards and a cribbage board. After dinner, my father and I would play a few games. My mother always packed whiskey so they’d have a couple of drinks. She usually did crossword puzzles while we played. I loved those evenings being with my parents enjoying each other’s company.

We, Bill, Peg and I, played games at night in Ghana. We had no radio and no TV so games were our diversions. I’ve mentioned the alphabet game before, but I’ll give a recap. The alphabet is put on paper top to bottom, A to Z. Beside each alphabet letter another letter is put, usually from a random sentence in a book. The game was to come up with names which matched the two letters like AL for Abraham Lincoln. Bill claimed the names he found were football players. Peg and I never believed him so we’d vote on whether or not to accept his answer. Bill always lost 2-1.

“Among the changing months, May stands confest the sweetest, and in fairest colors dressed.” 

May 1, 2023

Last night the rain poured, jagged streaks of lightning struck and then there was the thunder. It was at first a faint rumble in the distance, and I wasn’t sure it was thunder so I muted the TV to listen. All of a sudden, in a heart beat, the thunder was right over my roof and outside the window. I have never heard thunder so near. All of us jumped. I held the dogs though they seemed okay. The lightning lit up the back window. The rain continued though it was lighter than before.

Last night Henry scared the bejesus out of me. He was asleep then without warning he barked loudly and intensely, jumped off the couch at the same time, slid on the rug in the hall and ran to the back door where he continued to bark. I checked. Whatever had spooked him was gone. Last night was quite dramatic.

Today is a delight. The bright sun is framed by a deep blue sky. It is in the high 50’s where it is supposed to stay all day. Last night’s wind is still blowing, still strong. I can hear it, and I can see the trees’ branches swaying and bending. I have outside chores. I need to grab my prisoner’s stick and clean up Nala’s trash in the backyard. My little library has to be checked, and I have a few books to add. The white lights on the back deck banister were chewed by a spawn of Satan. They had lit up the nights for months then the nights went dark. I’m going to try again.

When I was a kid, a streetlight was outside my house on the corner at the foot of the grassy hill. It had a hood of sorts, and the light hung from an upside down L shaped pole. I used to sit at the picture window in the living room and look out at the light. In the winter I watched the snow fall. In the summer I watched the bugs, mostly moths, circling the light. That light was also a signal. It had the responsibility of ending our playtime, of sending us home for the night. My neighborhood here has no streetlights, but it has kids. I wonder how they know to go home.

Today is May Day. It is a day to celebrate the coming summer, to gather wildflowers and branches, weave flower garlands and raise the May pole. Mother Nature has seen fit to gift us with a lovely May Day. Get out and dance around the pole. Celebrate!