Archive for the ‘Musings’ category

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

February 24, 2013

I heard the most welcome of sounds when I woke up this morning, the sound of rain on the roof. I didn’t hear people shoveling or a plow working its way down the street. I heard heavy rain, and I was glad. The day may be dismal and dark, but the rain is a bright spot, sort of oxymoronic I know, but that’s the way it feels.

I am going to Hyannis today. It is really not very far, but I sometimes think of the journey as a trek of sorts. I’m attending a luncheon with the Cape Cod Returned Peace Corps group. We get together every now and then. The last time was in October for the dedication of a stone we’d purchased with a plaque on it celebrating fifty years of Peace Corps and honoring all who served. This luncheon is to recognize Peace Corps week. It starts early so I should be home early which is perfect as I have promised Gracie we will go the dump even if it’s still raining.

When I was younger, not young, but younger, never did I imagine I would pamper myself so much. My groceries were just delivered by Peapod, and they’re already put away. I didn’t have to go up and down aisles silently cursing the aisle hogs or make three or four trips from the car to bring the groceries into the house. When snow fell the last two weekends, I waited for Skip who plowed out my car, the driveway, the mail box and the place in front where I usually park. He shoveled two walks. My front lawn is covered in small, broken pine branches felled by the winds. The back yard has several larger branches on the ground, also victims of the wind. I know in a few months my landscaper and his crew will come and spring clean both yards. Roseana and Lee will be here this week to clean the house. They come every two weeks. I do cleaning in the off-week but usually as little as possible. I have had cleaning people for years, even before I lived here. They date back to when I had a roommate and we shared a house. We both worked, and that was our excuse for housecleaners. She got married and sold her house so I bought my own house. For a long while I cleaned it myself due to finances, not a work ethic, but as soon I could afford it, I hired housecleaners again. When I stopped working, I still kept the housecleaners. Age and a bad back finished off my shoveling career. When I redid the yard, I used a landscaper and decided he was the best choice to keep the grass green and free of weeds. I am, for the most part, a woman of leisure though I am still stuck making and changing the bed and doing laundry. I guess we all need a bit of suffering to keep us humble.

“Fate: protects fools, little children, and ships named Enterprise.”

February 23, 2013

This morning I went out to breakfast then did a couple of errands. Each week I keep track of the number of miles I travel just for the heck of it. When I turned on the car this morning, I saw I’d gone 8 miles since Sunday. I must be hibernating. There is no other explanation. I know I don’t get dressed in real clothes (by this I mean outside clothes) most days, but, instead, I wear comfy flannel pants, slippers and a sweatshirt. I shower for the sake of cleanliness and brush my teeth every day. I spent one day and a half cleaning and a few other days reading. I went to a wake, but I didn’t drive so no credit for the mileage. Throw in a few afternoon naps, and we have this week and 8 miles until today. I have now doubled my mileage.

It’s another ugly weekend with cloudy skies. A snow storm is coming tomorrow but not here. We’ll get the rain. We have been spared. North of us will get the snow, amounts not yet determined. The weather is the topic of conversation just about everywhere and is always the lead story on the news.  Even today’s Syfy lineup of movies is into weather. You have to love these titles. I figure each one gives away the whole plot. Right now I’m watching Storm. Later will come Lightning Strikes, Metal Tornado, Super Cyclone and the evening’s big movie, End of the World. I’m glad I have popcorn.

I admit it. I have been to a couple of Star Trek conventions. My sister and I even dragged our mother to both of them. We didn’t wear uniforms or alien make-up, but we were no less fans than those who did. It was fun walking around the booths and going to the different discussions. We even got to see actors from Star Trek, The Next Generation. We both are still into Star Trek, and every year I give my sister the newest Star Trek ornament from Hallmark for her birthday. We are only missing the first one which is now too expensive to buy. It’s a collector’s item, and this collector wishes she were wealthier.

I guess I’m happy the word geek didn’t arrive until after I’d grown up.

“A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”

February 22, 2013

The two cats and the dog spend so much time sleeping it boggles my mind. Gracie goes out a couple of times a day, does her crazy run around the yard then runs back inside panting and has gross spit on her face from her tongue hanging out as she ran. Her run is the whole perimeter of the yard including up one set of deck stairs then down the other. She has worn a path all along the fence. The cats alternate sleeping between the living room and the den. Right now they’re here with me.

The day is another ugly one with grey-white skies. Snow is predicted for the weekend, and the weatherman has hedged all his bets. Last night on the 11 o’clock news, he gave three possibilities for amounts of snow. Ours ranged from a dusting to three inches. North of us will be getting more in any scenario. That makes me happy.

I’ve lost track of most of my childhood friends. We send Christmas cards which I always think of as the last refuge for any friendship. They usually mean we don’t want to lose each other entirely, but we don’t have much in common any more. When I used to visit my mother, I’d go see my friend Maria who lives a street over from my mother’s house. We date back to my fifth grade, her sixth. My mother was her girl scout leader for a time. We were both in the drill team for years. We started together in the junior drill team which had practice on Saturday mornings. While the instructor worked with one group, we’d get bored and start talking. I’d start the conversation, and she’d reply then she was always the one caught talking. I called it the second man rule: the first one draws attention and the second one gets caught. Maria still remembers.

When I went to Ghana is really when I lost track of most of my childhood and college friends. We wrote each other for a while, but then the letters were fewer and fewer and finally they stopped. My friends went on with lives very different from mine. Most of them were working and a few go married. I was living in Africa, and that very was far removed from any of their experiences. One came and visited me in Ghana for a week, and he’s the one with whom I kept in touch the longest but eventually we too drifted apart. Every now and then I see one of my old friends, but after the pleasantries we don’t have a whole lot to talk about.

It’s different with my Peace Corps friends. We always have something to talk and laugh about and it’s not just Ghana. We have a connection that never weakens despite how long it’s been since we’ve last seen each other. My friends Bill and Peg were still my friends after so many years. It was as if we’d last seen each other the week before, not decades before. I treasure these friendships and our shared experiences. Michelle drops a line often, especially when something in Coffee jogs a memory or relates to whatever she’s doing now. These are the friends I met in Philadelphia, a week before we left for Ghana, or during training that whole summer of 1969, and these are friends I always visited going up or down country. We traveled together on school holidays. Ralph still remembers our dinner of barbecued lobsters on the terrace at a hotel in Lome’, Togo.

I have friends here who have been my friends for over forty years. Others have been friends less time, but our friendship is as strong as if we’ve known each other forever.

I have always considered myself lucky in the friends I have.

“Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture.”

February 21, 2013

Yesterday I leaned against the bookcase in the living room and my sweatshirt came away blackened. All that smoke from last week’s fires has left the tops of tables, the cabinet shelves and the bookcase filthy with ash. I couldn’t stand the mess so I polished everything. Someone should have been there for pictures. I’d have grinned broadly while holding the filthy cleaning cloths. I finished the living room, but, as with any contagion, I wasn’t done. I moved on to the dining room then to the den. When each cloth got too filthy, I’d throw it on the floor then grab another from the plastic tube. I left a trail of dusty, dark polish cloths from room to room and felt a bit like Gretel only my leavings were more substantial. When I was done in, I picked up the cloths, tossed them in the basket and took a nap. I had earned it. Cleaning anything is debilitating.

I need medication. The disease is spreading. This morning while I waited for my coffee, I cleaned the top of the hutch in the dining room. On it are interesting bottles and a few carafes, and I cleaned them all. I realized the shelves need to be next, but just before I reached for another cloth the aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air, and I was able to pull myself away. I haven’t been out much or seen many people so I can’t understand where I picked up this cleaning bug. I googled but found no cure. It has to run its course.

Today is cold, and tonight will be colder. Even though the sun is shining and the sky is blue you can almost see the cold. There is a breeze though I think it might be strong enough to be called a wind. The feeders are empty so I’ll have to venture out on the deck later. The birds who visit are many, and I’d hate to disappoint them.

Snow is predicted for the weekend yet again, but this time the Cape will not be getting much, only an inch at most. Boston and further north will get more. I’m happy for them!

I read an article in the paper about how the police have muddled the Pistotius case. It was an AP reprint. The end of the article is worth noting. It quoted Detective Botha, the main muddler who has since been dropped from the case and is now under investigation for attempted murder, about an accidental shooting, date unmentioned, in which the athlete was involved. According to Botha, Pistorius asked someone else, “to take the wrap.” The quotes are theirs!

“Pensive they sit, and roll their languid eyes.”

February 19, 2013

Today is warm and sunny. I had an early morning meeting and did some errands after that. It was as if the sun had given me a burst of energy, taken away all my reasons for griping and made me glad to be out and about so early.

I have been nominated for a Liebster award by Peace, Love & Great Country Music. The award is best explained if you read Good Golly Miss Molly who nominated Peace, Love and All. Good Golly Miss Molly explains what I need to do, which will take some pondering before I post. Good thing I have tomorrow.

I am devoid of original thought. That happens to me every now and then. It’s as if my brain has slowly leaked away anything of interest, even to me. Nothing in the papers caught my attention. The headline in the Globe was More Women Become Breadwinners. I’m sure newspapers were quickly whisked off stands and grocery counters with a headline like that. I’m reading a James Patterson. Sometimes it seems as if I’m always reading a James Patterson. This one is part of the Private series.

My errands are all done; I have no laundry to wash; my house is clean; the yard has been shoveled and plowed; I took a shower last night and yesterday the bird feeders were filled. I can’t imagine what is left except something esoteric. I wonder if cleaning the cabinet fits the definition.

No trip is planned which may be part of the cause of my ennui. Last year and the year before I had Ghana. A few years before that I had Morocco. Now I have Hyannis, the hub of the mid-cape.

Today is the birthday of Copernicus. Might be a great reason for a party!

Maybe Gracie and I will take a ride and look for adventure. Sometimes just around the corner there might just be a surprise.

“The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”

February 18, 2013

Today is a pretty day as long as you’re looking out from inside the house because it’s cold, and that dilutes the pretty. No drips from the roof and no melting of the weekend’s snow despite the bright sun is a sign of how cold it is. I had to walk through fairly deep snow to get my newspaper, but my plowman just arrived and shoveled the walk, freed my car and made the mailbox accessible for the mail truck tomorrow. I may go out later, but then again I’m liking the warm house.

When I was a kid, there was a blind girl in a neighborhood a few blocks from mine. I didn’t know her personally, but I knew her name was Patty. I remember her eyes were set in from her face and looked black to me. I don’t know if she ever went to school. I really didn’t know anything about her. Her parents would tie a rope around her waist which allowed her to go to the sidewalk but not into the street. Patty would walk up and down the sidewalk and clap her hands whenever a car went by, and I remember how loud the claps sounded. It didn’t seem strange or cruel to me that she was tied outside. I just figured it was the safest way for her to be there. On the few occasions, I go back to my hometown, the route sometimes takes me right by Patty’s sidewalk. I always wonder about her.

Another person I remember was developmentally disabled though in those days he was considered retarded. I don’t remember his name, but he was an adult when I was still a kid. I remember he always neatly dressed in grey, heavy chino work pants, a collared shirt and a light jacket. He walked everywhere around town and shook hands with just about every man he met. My dad always stopped to say hello and shook hands and always called him by name. Just about everybody did. I know he went to all the funerals at St. Patrick’s. I don’t know about the other churches. He always sat in the back and nobody ever minded. I don’t know what happened to him. We moved away and I never saw him again.

While I was growing up, I never saw anyone else who was in any way disabled. Maybe they were kept inside the house or in hospitals or boarding schools. Patty and the man I mentioned were part of the fabric of my town. I never thought twice about their disabilities. That was just part of who they were.

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

February 17, 2013

The snow is heavier than it was a couple of hours ago when I woke up. It was small and light then. Now there is a fury of flakes whipped by the wind. The bird feeders are being tossed to the left and right, and the birds ride with them. The tops of all the pine trees bend one direction then the other. When I went to get the papers, the snow went up over my shoes, but the driveway was clear. I could see the blacktop. The drifts have no pattern. The wind changes all that.

My house is warm. All three animals are with me, and all three of them are asleep. I can hear Gracie’s deep breathing. She is beside me on the couch. Fern is behind me on the back of the couch curled on an afghan, and Maddie is in her chair. We are all perfectly content.

I never believed in monsters when I was a little kid. Nothing was under the bed or in the closet. My imagination led me to places rather than things. I made several trips to the moon. My rocket ships were never like the space capsules of the real astronauts. Mine stood tall, had side fins and were so big inside that the crew could walk around after I turned on the artificial gravity. The kitchen always had coffee.

I wasn’t disappointed by Alan Shepard’s short flight. I was amazed we had sent a man into space, and I figured that was the first of many dress rehearsals before the real rockets would be built, the ones with kitchens. I watched John Glenn’s capsule take off and followed his flight as he orbited the Earth. I was older then and had given up on rocket ships with kitchens.

I never saw the trip to the moon. I was still in Africa, but I was lucky enough to hear bits and pieces about the moon landing on the radio, including real transmissions. It was exciting even without the visual coverage. We were finally on the moon, but I still didn’t know what it looked like. In the imaginings of my childhood I created a stark moonscape filled with craters and rocky hills. I was pretty close.

I was sorry there were no ruins on the moon from cities deserted long ago. I always sort of hoped there would be remnants looking a bit like the Great Wall of China. That would have been the perfect touch: that and a rocket ship with a kitchen.

“There are those to whom one must advise madness.”

February 16, 2013

It’s late, but I woke up late and chose a leisurely morning. The coffee was delicious, and the maple butter on my toast was perfect. Baseball news is back in the papers, and my Red Sox are not in last place any more. I hungrily read everything and know that David’s injury is getting better each day, Lackey has lost weight and the team is much happier with its new manager. Maybe spring is not as far away as it seems. Okay, here’s the truth: I don’t really believe that. It’s just one of those things I write to give myself a bit of hope, a small bit of hope. I call it my Pollyanna syndrome. Today is cold, cloudy, icy and a really ugly day. Spring is still on some island somewhere sipping on a drink with a small umbrella while sitting on a lounge chair in the sand.

Snow has become a four letter word. George Carlin could have added it to his repertoire as the eighth dirty word. Yup, we’re expecting 4 to 8 inches of the filthy stuff starting tonight. With it will come heavy winds. The Cape is the storm’s main target. The rest of the state will get a dusting or maybe an inch or two. Once I finish here, I’ll do my storm chores and errands. The feeders need filling, the trash needs dumping, and I need comfort food. Gracie and I will go together then brace ourselves for what is to come, but I swear if I lose electricity this time I won’t be accountable for my actions. Call it temporary madness brought about by s***.

The sky has an eerie color, a before the storm color. Nothing outside is moving, not even the dead oak leaves. It’s strange and disconcerting. I feel a bit like Scarlett O’Hara did in that scene in the field where she stands, raises her fists to the sky and says, “As God is my witness, as God is my witness, they’re not going to lick me! I’m going to live through this, and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again – no, nor any of my folks! If I have to lie, steal, cheat, or kill! As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.” Substitute cold for hungry, and you have me.

“The snow doesn’t give a soft white damn whom it touches.”

February 15, 2013

Sometimes, if you’re really lucky, you have one of those moments that just makes every part of you smile. Last night was trivia night. I arrived early to get a table for all of us, ordered a drink and just sat and looked around. It was Cape Cod I was seeing, the old Cape when in winter most places shut their doors and the summer people are long gone. At the Chatham Squire the walls are wood paneling like the old small summer cabins were, but there were even more remnants of the Cape I knew when I was young. Lots of guys had beards with lots of grey and the guys wore sweatshirts with hoods, not hoodies, but sweatshirts with hoods, and dark wool watch caps and you knew many were fishermen. Women wore heavy sweaters or sweatshirts and little make-up. Conversations were loud. It was like everyone knew everyone else. Music was playing, and I was about as content as I’ve been in a while. My team was running late, but I knew they’d make it in time. I was in the mood for seafood and had the fried clams. At the end of the evening, we didn’t win; in fact, we were awful, but we didn’t care. We went for the fun of it, for the companionship and for the laughs. It was a perfect evening.

Today is a beautiful day. It is supposed to hit 45˚. I know the ice is already melted, but it will freeze again tonight, and I’ll slip on it again tomorrow. Snow is a possibility for the weekend with snow showers Saturday and heavier snow on Sunday. I’m pretty sick of it. Snow is a kid’s thing. Adults look and first think about how beautiful it is. The falling snow quiets the world and leaves a pristine landscape like the front of a Christmas card then the snow stops then comes the shoveling, the cold hands, wet feet and misery. Meanwhile, kids throw snowballs and sled down hills. School is out for the day. Snow is wonderful.

I, however, have both feet in the adult camp right now. I’m still living with the misery of that last storm, and I’ll be hard-pressed to think how beautiful when it starts to snow again on Sunday. It’s going to take a while before I leave the outside light on so I can watch the snow fall the way I used to a few short weeks ago.

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine’s Day, my friends. I hope you all mark the day with flowers or chocolates or a few snuggles.

Last night it snowed a bit, enough to cover the walk and the car. I thought even that small amount of snow was overkill. It is Mother Nature run amok. I can see her now with her strands of hair flying in all directions. Her flower crown is dead. Her lovely flowing dress is filthy and torn, and her face has a snarl just for us. There is an evil gleam in her eyes. Run for your lives!

Valentine’s Day was one of my favorite days in school. We’d spend a couple of afternoons turning lowly shoe boxes into decorated Valentine’s boxes. I’d cover mine in red construction paper and make a slit on the top for all the valentines I expected then I’d decorate the paper. We’d leave it in school until the special day.

My mother would buy each of us a box of valentines. They had pictures on the front, and the sayings were usually puns: two ears of corn, “Shucks! I’d like to ‘ear you say you’d be my Valentine today”, or the turtle who shell always love me. Can we swing along together? That one, of course, had two kids in a swing. The kids always had red cheeks and big smiles. Clocks were common, “It’s time you were my valentine.”

The night before the big day I’d sit at the kitchen table and write out my valentines. I’d decide which of my classmates would receive one and put a name on each envelope. The worst part was fitting my own name on the back. Kathleen is a long one, and for some reason we always used full names so Ryan had to fit in there somewhere. In the morning, I’d carry my cards as if they were masterpieces, and I’d carry the cupcakes my mother had made for the afternoon party.

School that day was a loss. Arithmetic and spelling were no competition for valentines and a party. Finally, after lunch, the nun would have us clear off our desks. We’d get our boxes and get ready. She’d call us row by row, and we’d drop the valentines on desks as we walked. I can remember hoping and hoping to get one from a boy with whom I was smitten. In the second grade, smitten was about the best we could do. If I got one, I was giddy.

After all the rows had finished giving out their valentines, the party began. The food was up front for the taking. I remember lots and lots of red cupcakes, some sugar cookies and conversational hearts. My friends and I would sit and open our valentines together. I remember a lot of laughing, a lot of little girl laughing for that’s who we were. I don’t remember being disappointed, but maybe that’s something forgotten. I remember the fun of opening those cards, of eating a chocolate cupcake with red frosting, but I mostly remember carrying home my treasures in my beautiful Valentine’s Day box.