Archive for the ‘Musings’ category

“Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.”

June 21, 2015

This is my annual Father’s Day post. It brings back a rush of memories every time I read it. My dad was one of a kind in the best of all possible ways.

I have so many memories of growing up, of family trips and my dad trying to whack at us from the front seat and never succeeding, of playing whist in the kitchen, with the teams being my mom and me against my dad and brother, of Sunday rides, of going to the drive-in and the beach and of being loved by my dad. Memories of my dad are with me always, but today my memories are all of my dad, and my heart is filled to the brim with missing him. When I close my eyes, I see him so clearly.

On a warm day so he’d be sitting on the front steps with his coffee cup beside him while reading the paper. He’d have on a white t-shirt and maybe his blue shorts. He’d wave at the neighbors going by in their cars. They all knew him and would honk back. He loved being retired, and we were glad he had a few years of just enjoying life.

He was the funniest guy, mostly on purpose but lots of times by happenstance. We used to have Dad stories, all those times when we roared and he had no idea why. He used to laugh along with us and ask, “What did I say? What did I say?” We were usually laughing too hard to tell him. He was a good sport about it.

I know you’ve heard this before, but it is one of my favorite Dad stories. He, my mom and I were in Portugal. I was driving. My dad was beside me. On the road, we had passed many piggyback tandem trucks, all hauling several truck loads behind them. On the back of the last truck was always the sign Vehiculo Longo. We came out of a gas station behind one of those. My father nonchalantly noted, “That guy Longo owns a lot of trucks.” I was laughing so hard I could barely drive and my mother, in the back seat, was doubled over in laughter.

My father wasn’t at all handy around the house. Putting up outside lights once, he gave himself a shock which knocked him off his step-ladder. He once sawed himself out of a tree by sitting on the wrong end of the limb. The bookcase he built in the cellar had two shelves, one on the floor and the other too high to use. He said it was lack of wood. When painting the house once, the ladder started to slide, but he stayed on his rung anyway with brush in hand. The stroke of the paint on the house followed the path of his fall. Lots of times he set his shoe or pant leg on fire when he was barbecuing. He was a big believer in lots of charcoal lighter fluid.

My father loved games, mostly cards. We played cribbage all the time, and I loved making fun of his loses, especially if I skunked him. When he won, it was superb playing. When I won, it was luck. I remember so many nights of all of us, including aunts and uncles, crowding around the kitchen table playing cards, especially hi-lo jack. He loved to win and we loved lording it over him when he lost.

My father was a most successful businessman. He was hired to turn a company around and he did. He was personable and funny and remembered everyone’s names. Nobody turned him down.

My father always went out Sunday mornings for the paper and for donuts. He never remembered what kind of donut I like. His favorite was plain. He’d make Sunday breakfast when I visited: bacon, eggs and toast. I can still see him standing over the stove with a dish towel over his shoulders. He always put me in charge of the toast.

If I ever needed anything, I knew I could call my father. He was generous. When we went out to eat, he always wanted to pay and was indignant when we one upped him by setting it up ahead of time that one of us paid. One Christmas he gave us all $500.00, not as a gift but to buy gifts.

My father left us when he was far too young. It was sudden. He had a heart attack. I had spoken with him just the day before. It was pouring that day, and I told him how my dog Shauna was soaked. He loved that dog and told me to wipe his baby off. I still remember that whole conversation. I still miss my father every day.

“The flush toilet, more than any single invention, has ‘civilized’ us in a way that religion and law could never accomplish.”

June 20, 2015

Today has been an interesting day around the Ryan homestead. First I had to go toilet shopping. The one on this floor cracked and pieces of tank and lots of water ended up all over the bathroom floor. I, however, was in New Hampshire when this happened so my friend Clare kindly cleaned up the flood and made sure the water was off. I had to run to the upstairs bathroom the last couple of days and sort of had to plan for the extra time to get there. Last night I decided I’d had enough planning so today Skip and I went to three places shopping for a new toilet, though I hesitate to call it shopping, and we were unsuccessful. One didn’t have the toilet in stock and the other two were closed. It was in the fourth place we finally found my new toilet. Skip mumbled his way through the parts and instructions but it is now in and functional so I no longer have to run upstairs. Skip then went outside and dug a hole for my little free library, http://littlefreelibrary.org, attached it to a 4 x4 then filled in the hole. My friend Bill made the library, and it is beautiful and even has cedar shingles on the roof. Skip is now completing his final task: putting a new mailbox for me across the street.

I like to shop, no question about it. Mostly I like off-beat stores where you can find odd or vintage. This week I have shopped for toilet seats, a new toilet, a new mailbox and a 4×4 pole. That is just not shopping by any definition.

It is a gorgeous day with a bright sun and a cooling breeze. When I was outside with Skip, I was reminded of Saturdays when I was a kid. I could hear a lawnmower, people talking and kids yelling to one another as they rode their bikes up and down the street. This is a neighborhood where people greet each other, catch up on the news and wave while passing by in a car. We are on our second generation of kids. The first generation grew up and now have kids of their own. On my street are nine, soon to be ten, kids under 10. There are two more but one just graduated from high school and his sister will be a senior in the fall. Many of us on the street are now retired. Four homes have the original owners. I’m one of them. I guess in a way that makes me an historian of my street.

“How strange it is to view a town you grew up in, not in wonderment through the eyes of youth, but with the eyes of a historian on the way things were.”

June 19, 2015

Gracie is having her morning nap on the couch. She’s snoring. Maddie is under the lamp staying warm and Fern is sleeping on the couch cushion in the other room. Our routine is back.

I awoke to the sound of raindrops, but they lasted only a little while. The day, though, is still dark, overcast with light grey clouds. The weatherman says it will be warm, even hot.

The first few days of summer vacation when I was a kid were joyous days lacking routine, wide open days when I could do whatever I wanted. A long, wonderful summer stretched out in front of me. My bike never got put away. It stayed against the fence in the backyard. I used it to go to the library or to take a leisurely ride with no purpose or destination. I knew every corner of my town, every street. I knew all the places of interest. Some days I walked my bike on the sidewalk uptown while I looked in the store windows. Most times I hadn’t a cent, but I didn’t care. Looking was fun. In those days the square was filled with stores where you could watch the proprietors work. The shoe repair man always wore a leather apron. In the bakery you couldn’t watch the baking, just the wrapping and boxing of all the baked goods people bought. Meat hung in the window of one store and lobsters swam in a tank in the window of another. Cheese, huge round cheeses, filled the window of the buttery. The men’s store window had half mannequins wearing suit coats, shirts and ties. I always wondered why they didn’t have legs, but I guessed maybe the window was too small. The gas and electric appliance store had ranges in the windows. They were all white. People also went there to pay their electric bills. It was on the corner so half of the big door was really on two streets.

I’d get my fill of the square and bike home. I used different routes to vary the ride. I had a favorite house on one route which had a huge front porch and was painted red, my favorite color. On another route I went by the empty school. Sometimes I even rode on the dirt beside the railroad tracks as that was the shortest way home.

I never got tired of biking around town. When I go back, I drive on some of those same routes. The red house is still there, but the railroad tracks are gone. The square now has very few stores, and the remaining stores lack the character and individuality they had when I was young. I miss the lobsters the most though I do like the restaurant which has taken their place. When I go uptown now, I always think of what was and can name where all the stores once were. That restaurant was the Gloucester Fish Market.

“It was not an outhouse resting upon the imagination. It was reality.”

June 18, 2015

Okay, we’re finally home. Gracie and I decided to stay an extra day. Her decision was quick: she got an hour walk every day with Bill. She loved it and left her calling card everywhere they walked on the road. All of Mont Vernon, New Hampshire knows Gracie was there. Peg was forever treating Gracie to ham and other tidbits. Gracie followed Peg and Bill each time one of them moved. I was so spoiled by their care and affection and the wonderful food Peg made that I was almost tempted to follow them too.

Bill, Peg and I were in Ghana together. We met during the week in Philadelphia before we left for training. I joke with them that I was lucky enough to find two people willing to skip out on lectures and presentations. We toured Philadelphia instead. I swear they tempted me off the straight and narrow. They, of course, blame me.

They were supposed to be posted 100 miles from me in Tamale, the capital of the Northern Region. I was posted to Bolgatanga, the capital of the Upper Region. Given the small number of volunteers in the Northern and Upper Regions the 100 mile proximity would have made them my neighbors, but Peg found out she was pregnant. Peace Corps decided to let them stay but they were moved closer to Accra and the Peace Corps office to a town called Tafo. I visited them and their son Kevin on my way home from Accra, Ghana’s capital, every time I went. They lived without running water and had their own outhouse in the row of outhouses at the back of their building. That’s where I met the night soil man. I was sitting there when I heard a noise from below. I got up and looked down. A man’s head popped in the hole and looked up at me. He said, “Hello, madam,” as he emptied then replaced the night soil bucket. It is still the most interesting first encounter I’ve ever had.

“I always give my grandkids a couple of quarters when they go home. It’s a bargain.”

June 14, 2015

The morning is cool. The sun comes and goes. No rain is predicted until tomorrow so the sun may be back to stay later. The usual morning quiet has been interrupted by the guy next door putting in a new slider. The house is a summer rental, and they seldom do any work on it so the old slider must have been in really bad shape. I just know my quiet has disappeared.

My grandparents, my father’s parents, lived in the same town as we did. We didn’t visit them as often as we did my city grandparents, but I remember staying over their house a couple of times. It seemed huge to me. I remember it well.

To get to the house from the sidewalk, you had to walk up a flight of stairs then a second fight at the house. The driveway was below the house. Rocks lined the tall side walls of the driveway which curved a bit just before the garage doors. It was not an easy driveway to maneuver. The kitchen was my favorite room. The cabinets were wooden and reached to the ceiling. A small closet might have held all sorts of stuff, but I only remember the bottles of root beer stored on the floor. There was a built in ironing board, a built in table with some chairs and a bench and a deep sink below the only window. The dining room was right off the kitchen and had a wall of windows. The dining room set matched: the chairs, the table, and the dish cabinet, that’s what I called it anyway. There was a piano in the living room but nobody knew how to play it. There was also a fireplace in the living room but it was never lit. Off the living room was a small sunroom with my grandfather’s desk, his pipe cabinet, a small table and two chairs. Upstairs were three bedrooms and the bath. My grandparent’s bedroom had stairs in the closet which led to the attic. My aunt’s former bedroom had matching wooden furniture in dark wood. I remember the bureau had a mirror. The third bedroom was small and had a door to a balcony too small to be used. On the garage level was the laundry room and another huge room lined with bench topped bookcases. I remember the garage was perfectly neat. Tools were hung and a work table was clean and clear.

The yard seemed huge even though the neighboring houses were close. The house next door had a big garden and rabbit hutches at the top of a hill. I don’t remember any rabbits. There was also a huge shade tree between the houses.

I sometimes drive down the street where the house is just because of the memories. The house sits on what would be an isthmus if it were surrounded by water. The isthmus is too narrow for the two sets of houses, one on each side of two roads, especially since there are now fences separating the yards. The house looks exactly the same.

“In nature, everything has a job. The job of the fog is to beautify further the existing beauties!”

June 13, 2015

Yesterday in the late afternoon when I went to get my mail, I noticed the fog rolling in, a hazy mist moving down the street. The air got chilly and damp, but I stayed outside drawn by the fog. The end of the street began to disappear and was soon lost in the mist. Later, in the early evening, I went to the door to check the fog and found it was raining, a gentle rain so quiet I never heard it.

This morning was overcast and damp. It reminded me of vacation mornings near the ocean. I was usually the first awake and the first to go outside. Everything was quiet, no one else was stirring so the world belonged only to me. I had that same feeling this morning only I was sharing the world with Gracie who stood beside me patiently waiting so we could go inside.

The morning breeze has blown away the clouds, and we have sun and blue skies.

The TV has been bountiful for me this morning. The first gift was a film called Satellite in the Sky. I won’t even get into the special effects except to say it was 1956 so just imagine the smoke and the fire from the engine, the missing weightlessness and the arrays of buttons and switches. The plane, sort of a rocket ship, carried a full crew and a stowaway, a woman reporter. Luckily she had found the perfect hiding place where she also found a uniform which fit her as if it had been sized. She added a scarf around her neck for the sake of fashion. After she was discovered, her next scene was when she brought coffee to the crew. Now the ship was complete with a stewardess. Later she also brought sandwiches. She and the captain, originally at odds about the ship, both agree that the Tritbonium Bomb strapped to the bottom was wrong.  A kiss sealed their agreement.

The second gift was one part of The Batman serial from 1943. The only actor I recognized was J. Carrol Naish as the villain, a Japanese spymaster named Dr. Daka. He had a machine which turned people into willing to do anything live zombies. After their transformations, they all wore contraptions on their heads which looked like colanders with antennae. It was through these contraptions the zombies received Dr. Daka’s orders. My favorite tidbit is The Batman (always The Batman) and Robin usually rode in the limo driven by Alfred, even when as The Batman and Robin. Their hero outfits were worn under their clothes. The bat cave was accessed through the grandfather’s clock in the spacious living room. This week’s episode ended when The Batman, a captive locked in a wooden box, is dropped to the hungry crocodiles. The last thing you hear is a scream. Will The Batman be saved or he is really lunch meat? You’ll have to wait until next week to find out!

“I am drawn to the ocean; I find solace in its mystery.”

June 12, 2015

The morning is lovely. Earlier I met friends for breakfast at a spot on the water. To get there I took the long way around on the road which hugged the seashore. The houses along the sides of the road are big and beautiful with gardens to match. A couple of the bigger houses are well hidden behind high bushes. Some are gated.

As there is no breeze for a change, the water was still. The fog was thick enough to hide the ocean beyond the breakwater. When I arrived at the restaurant, it was high tide, and I could smell the salt water. I took in deep breaths as if to memorize the smell. Boats came and left by way of the channel. One excursion boat was filled with kids in life jackets, a school group we guessed. Good for them! It is a perfect day to be on the water.

The sun is shining, and it is already warm, 76˚. After today, though, the days will be cooler, and even a couple of nights will dip to the 50’s. The weekend will be dry. June on Cape Cod is unpredictable.

Today all is quiet. Not a lawnmower or blower disturbs the songs of birds. This room is still shaded and cool. The sun won’t be here until the late afternoon.

I am barefooted. That is the summer standard in the house and on the deck. When I was a kid, I went barefooted all the time. My feet were calloused and even the hot sidewalks had no effect. I loved the feel of cool grass between my toes. In Ghana I wore sandals all the time, but my feet still each became a giant callous impervious to everything including a lit match. Why a lit match? It was a test, a silly test, to determine exactly how tough my feet had become. The match did not even bother me at all.

I have a couple of places I need to go, but I am reluctant to leave the cool house for the hot, busy road. I guess, though. I’ll just have to bite the bullet.

“Erratum. In my article on the Price of Milk, ‘Horses’ should have read ‘Cows’ throughout.”

June 11, 2015

Yesterday was a busy day for me. Gracie and I did a dump run then I did some home chores. One was to attach the umbrella light adapter to the bottom of the umbrella then plug the other end into an outlet. Last year I was clever. I had a hole drilled in the deck for the adaptor to go through then I unbent a wire hanger. The top loop of the hanger was left intact and stayed in the hole on the deck, but the rest of the hanger went into the hole and hung down under my deck. I went and tied the adapter to it, climbed upstairs to the deck and pulled the wire through the hole then attached the adaptor to the umbrella. It was a brilliant idea and well-executed. This year I went to do the same thing. On the first try I got the adaptor tied and through the hole to the ground under the deck. I went to attach it to the umbrella but dropped the wire which immediately fell through the hole. It took me four more tries to get that stupid adaptor end connected. That’s four times under the deck standing on my tiptoes to tie the adaptor, four times up the long staircase and four times on my knees trying to attach the adaptor.

My next job was replacing the storm in the front with the screen. I didn’t do the back door screen, the dog’s door, as I figured nights might still be chilly, and the inside door is kept open. That storm door pane weighed what seemed a ton and it was awkward to move. Going down the cellar stairs was a bit dangerous for me given my penchant for falling. I imagined a fall, shards of glass and a penetrated femoral artery. Luckily all went well.

It was hot yesterday, in the high 70’s. Today is supposed to be the same with some rain later, but there is a cloudy sky and a wonderful breeze. The house is cool.

The Globe this morning had an interesting tidbit of news. The State Police captured one of their most wanted, Keith Truehart. He was found in a hide-out built of wood and sheetrock under a sink in an apartment. It seems no one knew he was there. I’m thinking I’d notice a hide-out under my sink. Anyway, he was wanted for assault and battery on a child, a nine month old baby. From the article I gleaned the baby was his girlfriend’s baby, but this is what I read,”The baby was Truehart’s girlfriend, who lives in the North Main Street apartment where he was captured. His girlfriend is not under arrest at this time.”Whew!

“In my world there would be as many public libraries as there are Starbucks.”

June 9, 2015

Dreary is the perfect adjective to describe today. A sunless sky and a gusty wind make it chilly so long sleeves are the dress of the day. Intermittent showers are predicted. I won’t complain. We still need rain.

Earlier I had my monthly library board meeting which never takes more than an hour. We are an amiable group usually voting yes to any requests. Two members are ninety and one other is in her eighties. I always feel young.

When I was a kid, talking in the library was frowned upon. The librarian would shush us and put her finger to her lips to tell us to be quiet. We whispered but never softly enough. Even in the children’s section the librarian created a sense of foreboding. I never asked her for anything, and she never volunteered. Her circulation desk was round which I figured was the rule as every circulation desk I ever saw was round: hence, the name I suppose. The desk was across from the door and there the librarian sat to check books in and out. Those were the days of hand held stamps and book cards on which you wrote your name. I remember watching her carefully place the stamp in the due date box on the slip at the back of the book. She wanted to make sure the date was straight and in the middle of the small box. That librarian looked like she needed the stamp straight. Everything about her was perfect from the bun in her hair to the thick nylons and the black, laced shoes. The only words she ever spoke to me were, “Did you find what you wanted?” I mumbled yes every time but wondered what a no would have brought.

Libraries today are places where you feel welcome and where you can even talk without a single shush in your direction. I haven’t seen a bun on any librarian in years. The librarian in my library doesn’t wear a flowered dress or clunky black heels. She dresses for comfort because that’s the feeling she engenders in her library. She offers help and suggestions. Today I dropped off three books and picked up three more.

I have always loved libraries even when I got shushed.

“Nature bestows her own, richest gifts And, with lavish hands, she works in shifts…”

June 8, 2015

This morning is one of those the house is colder than outside mornings. I went to my neighbors for our usual Monday language lesson wearing a sweatshirt. The day is so warm the sweatshirt came off and we sat outside in the sun. A wonderfully cooling breeze is blowing. It’s a pretty day.

I am still amazed by Cape Cod. In the warm days of late spring, the wild roses in whites and reds are everywhere. They grow on the edges of fields and woods and in front of old captains’ houses. I have one which has grown up the trunk of a tall tree. My wild rose bushes have no shape but grow willy nilly, wild and tall.

The cape has several old seafarers’ houses each marked with a plaque in front with a clipper ship and a date on it. Those captains’ houses are mostly half capes with sloping roofs. Their shingles are gray and weathered by years of wind and salt.

The early morning air sometimes smells of the ocean even this far away. On those mornings, I linger on the deck. When I cross the bridge over the river on a morning errand, I sometimes see fog spread across the water and quahoggers outlined in the mist.

The warmth of June has brought gardens filled with color. Short white picket fences stand behind them like sentinels. Some houses have carefully tended lawns while there are others with shards of shells in front mimicking a lawn. Pine needles spread across the front yards are lawn stand-ins especially at seasonal rentals. It seems we always have a breeze, mostly from the south. The nights are beautiful, bright and starlit. They perfectly complement the loveliness of the days. I always think how lucky I am to live here.

I remember spring when I was a kid and shedding my winter coat and riding on my bike to school, but it is always summer I remember the best in my hometown. The heat seemed to rise from the roads and the sidewalks. It rose in waves, and I swear I could see it though now I expect I saw a mirage. Summer days were never quiet. The insects made the most noise. Kids were always outside. The degree of heat dictated the amount of activity. Really hot days meant sitting under a tree in the only shade around. Cooler days meant bikes and roller skates and games of tag. My mother always kept a cold drink in her aluminum pitcher in the fridge. Dinner was light on those hot nights. We even could keep playing after dinner. Street lights were no longer alerts to go home. Late June and the coming of summer were celebrations when I was a kid.