Posted tagged ‘age’

“Youthfulness is about how you live not when you were born.”

August 3, 2015

I should have done something illegal so I could count all these days inside as house arrest. This morning I gave the day a chance but it failed. I opened doors and windows but the house got warm far too quickly; however, the paper’s weather prediction does offer some hope: a late-night thunderstorm and another one tomorrow. Thursday and Friday will drop to the 70’s during the day and the mid 60’s at night. I can hardly wait. Today looks lovely from the window view. The sun is bright and there is a breeze. What you can’t see is the humidity hanging in the air.

I look at the obits, not all of them, just the headlines. Fame is relative so I don’t know most of the people highlighted who were well-known on the Cape. They all seem to have lasted a long time. 80+ is the average. The only obits I notice in the Globe are those of famous people. Cilla Black died yesterday. She was 72. My first thought was how young she was, a reaction which has to do with my age and thinking of myself as still young.

My generation sees age very differently than previous generations. One of my friends will be 70 this year. When my grandparents were 70, I thought them quite old. They looked old and dressed old. I couldn’t imagine being 70. I wondered how it felt and whether or not it was scary. I believed it was limiting as my grandparents hardly did anything. They stayed home mostly, and we went to them.

My mother cracked the mold. She never dressed 70, and she traveled. Our last trip together was to Italy. I wanted to be just like her.

In my head I am still quite young though word retrieval is a problem and hints to my being older. I don’t think of limitations though I’m stuck with a bad back which curtails my walking. I dress exactly as I have all of my life though far more casually every day than when I worked. I don’t stop to think sometimes when I carry stuff. I forget I’m not 25 or even 55. I used to haul 50 pounds of cat litter into the house. Now I find 20 pounds a burden which leave my back aching. I am a bit surprised at that being so young and all.

“We are always the same age inside.”

January 29, 2013

Today I face the world or both Gracie and I go hungry. A sunny day would have been a nice welcome, but we still have all those clouds and a dampness left over from the little snow we had last night before it started to rain. Slush covers the side roads, and you can see all the tire marks. A mouse woke me up. It wasn’t happy with its accommodation in the have-a-heart trap and was banging and whacking the metal. I fell back to sleep a couple of times, but finally I couldn’t take it any longer. We went for a ride around 7:30: Gracie, the mouse and I. Despite all its complaining, the mouse didn’t want out. It kept moving from side to side in the trap before I finally shook it loose. I wished it well in its new home then I went and got coffee and a bagel. That seemed a perfect reward for an early morning mouse run.

My voice is raspy, and I still sniff and cough, but I feel better. That’s a good thing.

This morning I noticed the obituary of one of my high school classmates, a good guy, a funny guy. I don’t know what happened, but his dying gave me pause. My mind doesn’t ever think of me as old. I am perpetually young. Going up and downstairs is usually a reminder that my parts have aged, but the reminder doesn’t stick. I look in the mirror and see grey hairs, but they don’t mean anything to me. My friends are all around my age, but they still seem young to me. I can’t fathom they are in the their mid to late 60’s. What in the heck does that really mean? I thought my parents were old when they were in their 60’s. My dad passed away in his 60’s. I bet, though, they thought themselves still young just as I do now.

I finally understand that age is relative. I used to think that was what old people said to make themselves feel better, but it’s not. Age isn’t measured in years. It’s measured in the way you live your life. I have a long way to go until I’m old.

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