Ugly is the nicest thing I can say about the day so far. It was 11 when I woke up, let the dogs out, made coffee then went outside to get the papers. It was cold and windy. Snow showers were falling or rather blowing sideways from the north. I had to fix my fence again. The fierce wind last night knocked it over so it was leaning on the stick I had used earlier to keep it upright. The fence is back to upright. The stick is doing its job. The cow too hit the deck last night, but he is still lying on the grass feet up. I was too cold to stay outside. When I next see the sun, I’ll go out and stand him up so he can enjoy it too.

My living room still has Christmas, but it has no extraneous boxes or bags. Yesterday, I opened, emptied and hauled everything away, mostly to upstairs. Even the empty boxes are gone, brought to the car. I feel accomplished. The living room looks good except for the tree standing in the corner. It will be last, and I’m getting close though maybe not any closer today. I am actually enjoying the lethargy.

By the time I was eleven, I had pretty much planned out my life. I knew I would travel the world. I didn’t know what I wanted to be, but I did know I’d need time from whatever it was I had become for traveling.

I’ve told you how my first flight ever was from Hyannis to Boston, an Easter gift. The next plane ride was Boston to New York, just a girls’ weekend away when I was in college. The third flight was Philadelphia to Accra, Ghana. I have a few vivid memories of that flight. We flew over the cape, an unexpected last goodbye. We stopped in Madrid for refueling and restaffing. We all got off and walked to the terminal, the furthest we could get from the plane. We stayed for only a little time. When it was time to go back to the plane, we were herded by the soldiers carrying weapons. We mooed. My next memory is about my seat belt after we returned to the plane. One side of the belt got stuck between the seat and the plane wall. I couldn’t pull it free. The seat belt sign mocked me. I put the one free side across my body so I looked as if I was in compliance, and the ruse worked. I have no idea why I just didn’t ask for help. Maybe, I thought later, it was the beginning of real independence, maybe even a little civil disobedience.