Archive for the ‘Musings’ category

“I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.”

August 13, 2011

Being on the deck is tranquil. The neighbors left a day early, yesterday, and the only sounds I hear now are the birds, an occasional barking dog and the burbling of the fountain. Gracie is asleep in the shade at the corner of the deck. It is her favorite spot. She is stretched out along side the deck rail. I’m under the umbrella as the sun is warm, and here I can feel the breeze without the heat. Last night got cold, close the window in the den cold. I was up until the wee hours watching the Red Sox play Seattle. I just wasn’t tired and figured I might as well watch the game. They won.

August is spider month. My house is filled with webs. I clear them, and they return the next day in the same spots. Baby spiders are everywhere. I feel like a character from the end of Charlotte’s Web. I don’t like to kill spiders as I figure the bugs they catch and eat are for my benefit too, but I hate all the cobwebs. Miss Havisham, however, would feel quite at home.

Only once have I ever run into someone from my hometown here on the Cape. She and I graduated from St. Patrick’s together, and she recognized me right away, and I her. She was always the tallest girl in our classes from about the sixth grade through the eighth when we graduated. That was not a good thing as almost all the boys were shorter. She used to walk stooped a bit to minimize her height. Girls, when I was growing up, had little power and were considered lesser than boys in most things. I remember being told my friends and I couldn’t use any of the basketball courts on the school playground at recess. They were for the boys. It didn’t matter that we played CYO basketball. We were girls.

Expectations for behavior were quite different. Boys could be boisterous and playful; girls were expected to be more demure, at least in mixed company. Girls were never forward, not the right sort of girls. We were trained to sit always with our knees together though it was acceptable to cross our ankles and our legs, modestly when it came to the legs. It didn’t matter if we were wearing jeans or dresses. Gloves, especially white ones, were part of every young lady’s dressy ensemble. I remember a pair of mine with a pearl button on each glove to close it at the top.

When I was in Ghana, we had to wear dresses all the time as only yama yama girls wore pants. They were not the good girls. They were the ones with street corner evening jobs.

I couldn’t wear pants to classes in college until a freezing winter my sophomore year when permission was given for us to wear them, a humanitarian move. That opened the door, and it never closed.

“Children learn to smile from their parents.”

August 12, 2011

Lots of news today. First, my daily weather report: it’s an absolutely gorgeous day, a perfect 74°. My morning on the deck was idyllic with the birds flying in and out, the fountain burbling, and the tenants from hell gone somewhere else. They were shouting to each other early this morning, their usual conversational voice level, but I suspect they went to the beach because, with high hopes and my fingers crossed, I’m thinking today is their last day and tomorrow they depart. Second news: the paint eating spawn of Satan is back. I haven’t been spending as much time on the deck as usual because of the noise and Wednesday I was busy all day so it was yesterday when I noticed the new gnaw marks. A couple of marks are over the old ones and a couple are new marks on the arm of a chair. It’s back to turning the chairs against the table every night. I had hoped that the spawn’s peculiar diet had done him him. This is, after all, the third summer, of gnawing, but I think he has developed an immunity or turned into a B-scifi monster like The Incredible Shrinking Woman or The Colossus. I best be armed if we meet. Third news: I have begun the countdown. Two weeks from tomorrow I leave. When I booked my flight in April, I was counting in months. Hard to believe my trip is so close.

I know that I often subject you to my memories of Ghana, but it plays a huge role in my life and talking about it keeps the experience vivid. Today is something new: the story of how I got there. I never told my parents when I applied in October of my senior year. My dad had made comments when he saw Peace Corps commercials on TV. He couldn’t understand paying all that money for college then getting no money to work somewhere foreign, alien, for two years. In January I received my acceptance, and I called my mother and asked her to tell my father. I knew he’d be angry, and I didn’t want to hear it. She hedged but finally agreed. I called a couple of days later, and my father said I couldn’t go. I just laughed. I was 21 in my last semester of college and I couldn’t imagine he believed that would work. Next he said no more money; the well is dry. I said fine as he’d already paid my tuition, and I could get a part time job for the rest. Then he yelled and yelled and yelled. I hung up on him. The worst thing was I had agreed to go home for the next weekend to mind my sisters while my parents stayed overnight for a family function off cape. I asked my friend Lenny to go with me. He asked if I was using him. I most certainly was. We went down on the bus, my dad picked us up and didn’t speak to me. He talked to Lenny the whole time then they left the next morning, and we still hadn’t spoken.

It took a few months before my dad accepted my decision. He didn’t wholeheartedly support me until much later, but he started talking to me and hoped I knew what I was getting into. I had no idea.

My parents drove me to Logan on the Sunday in June I was to report to staging. Peace Corps had sent a bus ticket to Philadelphia, but my dad bought me a plane ticket instead. The ride to the airport was difficult because we were all so caught up in our feelings. They were afraid for me and hated having me go so far away. I was nervous and scared both of leaving and arriving. They parked the car and we walked to the gate together, my dad carrying my 80 pounds of luggage. Before I finally boarded, we hugged so long my back hurt.

They told me later neither one of them spoke as they watched my plane disappear from sight.

“Old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.”

August 11, 2011

Gracie and I are on the deck despite the tenants from hell. Right now one of them is singing, I think, and his voice is loud enough and bad enough to scare away small animals and children. Their younger kids are riding bikes down the middle of the street. I’m sorry I missed small children hunting season.

The day is perfect with sun and a breeze and no humidity. It is the first day this week I have nothing on my dance card. I’ll fill the bird feeders and Gracie and I will go to the dump later. I have two new books, and I have yet to start either of them as I have been so busy. I’m thinking I won’t get dressed, even to go to the dump. I’ll shower and brush my teeth and I’ll wear clean underwear just as my mother always demanded.

I don’t remember when a stain on my shirt or dirt on my pants became a catastrophe. It was probably around the same time boys became far more than just a nuisance. That does present a problem as I am prone to food falling off my fork to my shirt. My sisters are also prone to food falling off their forks. It is genetic. One Christmas, my mother gave my sister, as a joke, an adult bib in her stocking. I carry a Tide pen and have one in the car and in the den where I spend most of my time. They get lots of use. One or even two will travel to Africa with me.

I think that stains and dirt come full circle. Your life reaches a point when stains don’t matter. A 90 year old friend of mine always wears a shirt with at least one stain. I don’t care and I doubt anyone else does. I believe other people’s expectations of you change the older you get. Faulty memory, of course; falling asleep in the middle of a conversation, why not? Stains on your shirts; at least you got dressed.

I’m not there yet; in fact, I think I’m a long way from there. I still have an obsessive need to hold on to my Tide pen, sort of like a toddler and her binky.

“Wherever it came from, the musical came with its hair mussed and with an innocent, indolent, irreverent look on its bright, bland face.”

August 9, 2011

It’s a beautiful day in our neighborhood. The sun is brightly shining and glinting sharply here and there between the leaves of the oak trees. Even the horrific tenants next door are quiet enough so I can open my window. The birds are singing, happily I presume, and they’re at the feeders enjoying breakfast. Gracie and the cats are napping. It feels idyllic, perfect to inspire some sort of a poem, a short one like an Emily Dickinson’s.

I’m going off cape today to the Apple store. I probably shouldn’t as it is an occasion for sin as the nuns would say. I think the Apple store entices me to spend and be an electronic glutton, but I’m looking for some technical help. When I bought my Mac, I paid for one on one tutoring, and that’s what I’m getting today. I figured out to copy the Ghana 1969-1971 DVD Tim made but got flummoxed when it appeared as two files so I couldn’t figure out how to copy it. They’ll show me, and by the time I get home, I’ll have forgotten so I’m bringing a pad of paper.

This is a busy week for me with something every day. Most are social events. The play this week on Friday is another musical. My friend, Tony, a musician, gets personally offended because I don’t like musicals. I tell him I love music, but that doesn’t soothe his feelings which I hate to hurt, but I can’t lie. I love drama and mystery and comedies, not a play where someone sings when words could work as well or even better. I appreciate music, but I appreciate even more the turn of a phrase or the cleverness of a playwright. I’ll go this week as I skipped the last musical, but I saw a musical just last week at the other theater so I think I’m being punished.

I figure hell isn’t fire and brimstone. We are stuck for eternity with what drives us crazy. People who don’t like kids will be in a room with thousands of terrible two’s all of whom need their diapers changed. Speed demons will be buckled into cars which go no more than 5 MPH.  Beer drinkers, never seen without a bottle in hand, will be a hand’s length away from an ever flowing tap. I will be stuck in a theater watching the same musical over and over. It will be one like Carrie which is on every worst musical list. The devil will chose singers who sing off-key, which, I suppose, doesn’t make them singers at all. I will have to sit there performance after performance listening to lines like,

“All we ever do is park
Then for hours you grope me in the dark”

“He slud into third.”

August 8, 2011

It rained all day yesterday, sometimes heavily. Gracie didn’t go out until early in the evening when it was just sprinkling. Today is cloudy and humid, and I feel closed in by the humidity which sucks in all the air making it difficult to breathe. A leaf bounces in the air every now and then but there is no breeze. Even the birds are quiet, their songs dulled by the thick air. I have no ambition whatsoever.

I stayed up late and watched the Sox-Yankees game and was rewarded with a Sox win in the 10th. It amazes me that after so many games already played this season these two teams are only one game apart. Not bad for the Sox who started out 2-10.

Baseball is easy to understand which is probably why it is my favorite sport. I have no idea how football works other than the basics. I don’t even know what most of the guys standing on the line are supposed to do. I don’t care about my football ignorance  nor do I care to learn any more. I still watch and applaud a first down for my team or a great run or a magnificent pass; however, when the  announcer describes the play, he might as well be speaking gibberish.

From the time I was young, I understood baseball, even the intricacies and most of the terminology. I did learn a new one last year, the Mendoza Line. It hadn’t come up much with the hard hitting Sox. Years ago one of the male coaches in the high school where I worked considered women dabblers when it came to sports. I was in the teachers’ room when baseball was the topic of discussion. I mentioned it was my favorite sport, and he sort of smirked and asked if I knew anything beyond nine innings and three outs. I said I did, and he questioned me. Most of the questions were easy, and I handily answered them. He thought he’d get me with hitting for the cycle, but I knew it. He gave a look at the guys at the table and asked about a Texas leaguer. He stopped asking when I knew the answer. I was tempted to ask him about the last book he’d read, but I figured I’d be stereotyping, and besides, I knew from past conversations he considered Sports Illustrated a classic right up there with A Tale of Two Cities.

“I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journey-work of the stars.”

August 6, 2011

It wasn’t until 10 o’clock that I woke up this morning. Gracie was sleeping beside me with her head on the other pillow and Fern was sleeping against my leg. I have no idea where Maddie was, but she came in the room when she heard us stirring. The morning was perfect for sleeping, cool and cloudy, so we all took advantage. Since then I have been piddling around and all of a sudden I realized how late it had gotten so here I am. The weather for the rest of the week is predicted to be like today: cloudy and maybe rainy. I was going to go to the movies but so will everyone else. The rule of thumb is no movie on a rainy or cloudy day because the tourists are all there.

The birds have been really active today, and for the first time in a long time, a goldfinch is back. They used to be frequent visitors. I saw a male cardinal earlier and a few finches at the small feeder. A spawn of Satan has already emptied one of the feeders. I watched him hanging by his feet from a branch as he ate upside down. The blasted red squirrel is also around. He is most decidedly evil. I have seen him harassing the gray spawns, and he has scolded me on many occasions. He is also small enough to fit inside the squirrel proof bars on the other feeders. If I had a sling shot, that red squirrel would be in my cross hairs (I know slingshots don’t have them. I was being figurative).

I can hear lawns being mowed, kids playing in their front yards and dogs barking. My quiet neighborhood wakes up like this every Saturday morning. It always reminds me of when I was a kid, and Saturday was the nosiest day of the week. Everybody was outside talking to each other as they did the week’s chores. My mother and our neighbor each had their own clothes lines, but they were together in rows. My mother had the first three lines and our neighbor the second three. It was the same in every backyard. The houses were all duplexes in the project where we lived. My street had three duplexes while the whole project had twelve. The rest of the houses were up the hill and   around a small rotary. The last house was beside the parking lot nobody used except us kids.  It was where we went roller skating.

Every lawn got mowed on Saturday. It was a point of pride in my neighborhood to have a healthy green lawn. Neighbors whose lawns were scraggly and had patches of sand were talked about by the fathers who pushed the hand mowers every Saturday. Most early evenings I could hear the sprinklers. The metal ones always made noises when they whirled. My dad used to turn his onbefore coming into the house when he got home from work.

My dad, his whole life, used a blade lawn mower. He swore it cut the grass better than any other other kind. We’d offer to buy a gas mower for Father’s Day, but he always said no. He loved cutting the grass in that back and forth pattern he’d perfected over the years. He would never let us cut the grass. We didn’t do it right. I miss the sound of that mower, and I miss watching my dad cut his lawn.

“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.”

August 5, 2011

The weather continues to be perfectly lovely. I can’t think of a better descriptor for a sunny day of 73°, but when I use the word lovely, I always feel as if I’m a character in a British novel of manners.

Last night, had the Red Sox won, the evening would have been a perfect. It was baseball weather, the stands were filled, I had my sausage sandwich with onions and peppers and I got to walk on the Fenway field carrying the Ghanaian flag. We, returned Peace Corps volunteers, were part of the  pre-game ceremony honoring fifty years of Peace Corps. We walked onto the field in single file carrying flags from Peace Corps countries and stood ringed around the field from the scoreboard to the bullpen while a clip about President Kennedy played on the jumbotron, the anthem was sung, the first ball was tossed and play ball was shouted. We walked off the field in single file still waving our flags. All of us who attended the game sat in a block in the bleachers wearing red t-shirts with the Peace Corps logo on the back and, “Life is calling. How far will will you go?” written on the front. We were easy to spot.

Today I am attending a birthday luncheon for a woman turning 90. If you met her, you couldn’t correctly guess her age. She is one of those eternally young people. Her sense of humor is wry, she misses nothing and her exuberance for life makes me smile. Louise loves jokingly harassing people. I am often her target, and I return her harassment with a good comeback, and off we go, back and forth. Louise is a big Red Sox fan, and we often talk about the last game we watched, and we bemoan every loss and shake our heads when discussing the likes of John Lackey. I hope to be as bright and funny as Louise if I turn 90. Come to think of it, even next year I’d hope to be as bright and funny as Louise. I guess I’m going to have to start remembering why I’m in the kitchen.

“Experience, travel – these are as education in themselves”

August 4, 2011

Yesterday was perfect: sunny, breezy and cool. but today there is no sun which makes the air feel damp and chilly. We had a deluge the other night with thunder and lightning and nearly two inches of rain. It was dramatic and wonderful.

Tonight I’m going to the Red Sox game. It’s Peace Corps night. If you watch the game, look for the sea of red shirts in the bleachers, around 350 returned volunteers and their families. That’s me waving every now and then. Before the game, there will be a parade of Peace Corps country flags on the field. I’ll be one of the flag bearers. Between innings 3 and 4 and 7 and 8, we’re holding up tiles which will come together as the Peace Corps logo. You won’t see that. You’ll probably be watching a Sullivan tire ad or one for Dunkin’ Donuts.

Sometimes I wish I were money rich. I wouldn’t move into a bigger house or buy a different car, but I’d take my family on a huge trip. We’d travel on the Mediterranean and stop in so many places. I’d take a million pictures. Some would be in black and white like the travel pictures from the 30’s. They’re my favorites. I’d have the women wear hats and dresses for a few of those while the men would be in suits and wearing fedoras. My nephew’s son would wear short pants or knickers and an argyle vest over his shirt. In the family picture, we’d be lined up by height.

I would have loved living in the 30’s when people took the grand tour of Europe before they settled down into their lives. I’d bring a steamer trunk and fill it with satin like dresses, a few with flowers, hats with veils, a couple of pairs of fancy shoes and some sturdier ones for walking. A fox stole would be packed for those chilly nights. For the fancy dinners on the ocean liner, a few long dresses would do just fine. After dinner, before going to my cabin, I’d sit and have a drink or two in the bar, smoke my cigarette from a long black holder and have witty conversations with my fellow travelers. At every stop I’d buy a sticker for the outside of my steamer trunk.

After my trip, the trunk would be stored in the attic. In it would be a few souvenirs, some pictures and my diary. Years later, someone would find it, dust it off and spent an afternoon with me on my adventure.

“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.”

August 2, 2011

Earlier, during my deck, coffee and paper time, there was a lovely breeze, but it has since disappeared. The sun is bright and warm, but every now and then it hides behind an errant cloud. The Weather Channel has sent an alert that the Cape should expect rain with thunder and lightning between 4 and 8. I’m hoping it happens. We could use a little rain, and I love the thunder and lightning.

No mice to report today. I thought I heard one in the eaves in my bedroom around 4 this morning so I sneaked over to get a peek. If it had been a mouse, it would have scurried away and I could have heard it; instead, it was Maddie having an early breakfast. The cats’ dish, a Red Sox dish, wobbles a bit on the uneven wood floor in the eaves, and that’s what I heard. I gave Maddie another can of food and went back to sleep.

We never saw critters when I was a kid. We saw mostly grasshoppers and butterflies, tadpoles and frogs. The woods below our house weren’t dense enough for deer, and I don’t even remember seeing a skunk lumbering its way across the field. I remember smelling a skunk but not seeing one. Cows grazed at the dairy on the edge of town, and we had a zoo which was as close as we got to any critters. On vacation I remember the seals in Maine and a deer or two in fields as we drove by in the car. We always yelled with excitement when we saw a deer and even a cow got a shout. Around here, I have seen deer sprint across the road by my house. The woods go a long way on both sides of the road, and that’s why the deer cross the road, in case you were wondering. Years ago there used to be a deer hunting season here but not any more. Coyotes roam, and I’ve seen them often, usually in the early morning or at night. Foxes are plentiful here on the Cape and wild turkeys have made a comeback. There are also fishers, but I have never seen one or, if I have, I didn’t know what it was.

My yard has been invaded by raccoons, possums, skunks and one coyote who used to use the yard as a short cut, but since the six foot fence was put in, I haven’t seen any animals except the spawns of Satan.

States have official symbols including birds, desserts and even fish. I figure Cape Cod should have no less. The official vermin will be the above mentioned squirrel; the official bird will be the seagull and the official nuisance will be the tourist.

“The mouse that hath but one hole is quickly taken.”

August 1, 2011

Lazy day is my mantra.

It was a restless night so I made up for it by missing a good portion of the morning. I slept in until 10 o’clock. About seven I let Gracie out, and she came back in at some point and joined me. She always has a morning nap. It’s already hotter than they predicted for today, but there is a nice breeze on the deck where I’ll go when I finish here. I have a new book to read called Children of the Street. Kwei Quartey, the author, is a Ghanaian and the mystery takes place in Accra. I read his first book, Wife of the Gods. It was okay, but I wished there was more Ghanaian English as it has wonderful peculiarities, but the books are fun to read as they mention familiar places. This one has some Hausa, the language the Peace Corps taught me.

Anther summer month has come and gone. If I were a kid, I’d be appalled at the back to school commercials on TV. We never went back until after Labor Day, and that’s still over a month away. No reminders were necessary.

Another mouse yesterday, but this one was still kicking. Gracie was making a ruckus in the dining room so I went to check and found the mouse. When I went to pick it up to get rid of it, the mouse’s legs moved. I should have known it was still alive as Gracie has no interest in one already gone to its heavenly reward. I was grossed out. I don’t mind dead mice, but I do mind half-dead mice. I called my mouser, my friend Tony, who came up and took the mouse outside. Tony was gentle and said he was sorry to the wee mousie. I don’t think it will survive, but at least it was outside and away from Gracie.

All my neighbors must be at the beach as the street is really quiet. I grew up in a neighborhood which was only quiet late at night. All day long kids played on the street or in the backyards. Mothers yelled out back doors for their kids to come in for lunch or dinner, and every kid who jumped through a cold sprinkler squealed. At night, you could hear the TV’s from the different houses and even see the wavering black and white screens through the windows. I remember the sound of snow on empty stations. I know now it was static, white noise, but back then it was a little mesmerizing with its sound and flickering dots. I figured it looked like a giant snow storm which is why it got its name.

I’m ready for lunch. Today is hummus.