Archive for the ‘Musings’ category

“Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough.”

August 4, 2013

Having spent yesterday accomplishing nothing, I am raring to go this morning. I want all my errands done post-haste so this will be a short, quick musing as doing nothing for a couple of days doesn’t provide much fodder for conversation. Here was my entire day yesterday: took nap, took shower, watched baseball game, finished leftovers for dinner and went to bed late. In between there was a trip or two to the deck, a few dishes washed and the mail read, but that was it for the whole day so I’m doing my errands this morning, but I don’t really mind. That gives me the rest of the day to while away.

I was quite content yesterday. I have found that I don’t need excitement or fireworks to enjoy living each day. I don’t even have to get dressed. I do have to brush my teeth and most days take a shower, but that’s it for the musts. Oh yeah, food is in there somewhere but nothing formal: cheese and crackers or fruit make for great lunches. Dinner is catch as catch can. I’m not fussy.

When I worked, every day was hectic especially the weekends. Those two days were filled. I had to clean the house, change the bed, do laundry, grocery shop, go to the dump, correct papers (when I was teaching), plan lessons and run around doing all the other errands on that long list I used to make every week. Now I think how silly. I wasted two great days.

Now I have all the time in the world, and I don’t waste a single day. I consider doing nothing a gift, a huge gift which I wrapped with beautiful paper and huge colored bows and gave myself. I worried a bit about retiring so young and being able to take a day without structure. All of my adult life had been structured, mostly around work, so I wondered how I would spend my days.

The first day of my retirement was glorious. I got to sleep-in. No alarm at 5:00 woke me. I got to read the entire paper and have a couple of cups of coffee. I absolutely do not remember what I did with the rest of the day, but it doesn’t matter. I just remember I loved that day and the next and the next. I still feel that way.

“We shall meet again before long to march to new triumphs.”

August 3, 2013

The sun was here earlier but has since disappeared. It was replaced by a cloudy sky and a stiff breeze. The paper forecasts the possibility of rain. It is 72˚ now with 85% humidity. Yesterday the breeze disappeared, and the humidity was so high I turned on the air conditioner in the late afternoon. That made for a comfortable evening.

Doing nothing worked. My back is better today and I’m happier. I’m even willing to brave the roads to do a few errands. I need odd things, those not often bought: light bulbs, a flood light, paint to do my fish table and candle bulbs for the window lights. I figure I’ll reward myself with my favorite sandwich: a panini with cheddar, bacon and avocado. I’m thinking a whoopie pie for dessert and maybe some biscotti for tomorrow morning.

The laundry has made some progress. I brought it down here and leaned it next to the cellar door. I can see it from my seat, but that doesn’t matter any more. I have learned to let it sit until I’m ready.

Yesterday afternoon I heard a huge crash as if something had fallen to my deck. I went out and found nothing. I checked both the front and the back yards then I thought maybe a branch had fallen on the roof part I can’t see, but I swore whatever it was had hit the deck. Skip, my factotum, is coming on Monday so maybe he can figure it out.

In September St. Patrick’s drill team is having a reunion. I marched from 1957 to 1964. Two of my aunts marched at the beginning, 1947, when the drill tam was started. Three of my cousins also marched but years later, they being younger than I by a lot of years. Most of the comments on the Facebook page are not from my contemporaries but from that younger group. My friends and I seem to be the grand dames.

The drill team had practice once a week in the winter and twice a week in the summer, the competition season. Competitions were on the weekends, usually a Sunday afternoon but also some Friday and Saturday nights. When we didn’t have a competition, we went to one anyway. All of my friends were on the drill team. We spent a lot of time together. Our instructor, a man named John Kelley, had to be the most patient man in the world. He’d go over and over certain parts of the maneuver until he was certain we had it down pat. It was difficult in the winter as we had to break it down into parts to fit the armory dimensions where we practiced. Once the weather changed and we could get on the field or in the schoolyard we had to work at putting it all together.

We never won much in the beginning. I remember coming home and telling my parents we had come in second, and we had, but there were only two drill teams competing. I didn’t tell them that part. We eventually won several championships both in winter color guard and summer drill. The first time we won the summer championship, someone called ahead to the fire station. We got off our bus uptown and one of the fire trucks with the siren going led us through town to the church. We were almost giddy. Finally we were the champions, and we had a huge trophy to prove it!

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.”

August 2, 2013

Last night it poured but not until well after dinner. It started about the time my guests were leaving. I went out to the deck after they had left just as the rain was starting and found the umbrella lights were on so I turned them off and brought in a few dishes I had left near the grill. This morning in the daylight I checked the deck again but everything had been cleared. I came inside, made coffee and went to get the papers. Just as I got back inside the house, it started raining again, heavily.

The rain has stopped now and the day is dreary at best. I can hear drops falling from the leaves. I feel a chill from the window behind me, the sort dampness brings.

Today is a day to stay off the roads so I’ll occupy myself here. I have a few books I can start and laundry I might do, but after all of my doings yesterday, a day of rest might be what I need. Dinner was delicious. The sausages were just right as were the peppers and onions. I had bought brioche rolls and I toasted them on the grill. I caught them at just the right time. I had the fixings for a salad, but we ate almost all of the cheese and crackers before dinner so no salad. Dessert was coconut ice cream with sea salt chocolate caramel sauce. We didn’t talk during dessert; we just ate.

The Red Sox capped off our evening with an exciting walk-off win. They were down 7-1 when I first checked and 7-2 when I checked again. We decided to eat dessert inside and watch the rest of the game. It was spectacular. People had left because of the score, and I suspect they’ll lie about it if asked. How can you admit you gave up on the Sox and missed one amazing finale?

Days like today invite lethargy. I’m not even going to get dressed. For lunch I’ll have a sausage sandwich and for dinner I’ll add a salad to those sausages. A zapping in the microwave and lunch and dinner will be ready. The cats and the dog are napping. They all had such strenuous mornings lying around doing nothing. They inspire me!

“All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things. “

August 1, 2013

This morning I’m groggy. I actually stayed up and watched the Red Sox defeat the Mariners in 15 innings. It took until almost 12:30.  Then, far earlier than I expected to be awake, I heard the loudest banging noises. They came from my neighbor’s yard where they were loading his trucks for the day. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t. Gracie, of course, is now asleep on the couch.

The morning is really lovely so I suppose I should stop complaining. I do have to go shopping as guests are coming for dinner. It will be on the deck and quite casual. My entertaining skills are rusty, having been hibernating all summer, but I’m thinking witty and personable will make their appearances!!!

Summer nights on the deck are sometimes perfect. The lights in the yard are bright in the darkness, and the palm tree still survives though the flamingo is a bit worse for wear. If there is a breeze to be had, the deck gets it, and the bugs are blown elsewhere. I hope the weather stays just as it is, comfortable and sunny.

August, the last summer month, can’t be here already, but the back-to-school ads have started. It seems early, but I know my nephew’s son goes back to school tomorrow, a sort of meet and greet day before school really starts on Monday. He’ll be in the second grade.

I remember my second grade teacher, Mrs. Kerrigan. St. Pat’s had lay teachers as well as nuns, and you ended up with a lay teacher every other year. I think Mrs. Kerrigan was the stereotypical spinster teacher of the 50’s. She was old, at least to my seven-year old eyes. She always wore flowered dresses and clunky tie shoes with wide heels. Her hair was white and she had a bun in the back. I remember Mrs. Kerrigan lived in an apartment in an old house across from the church so she walked to school every day. It probably took her about five minutes. Second grade was the year of my first communion. We had to learn all sorts of stuff, but the end result was worth it. I loved my new dress.

We walked two by two from the school to the church then down the main aisle to our seats. We had practiced several times. The boys wore white suits and ties, and all the girls had white dresses, mostly fancy white dresses. Flashbulbs followed our progress. We had our hands in front of us held as if we were praying. That’s about as much as I remember except for the cards and money and the gifts. My favorite gift was the Cinderella watch my Aunt Mary gave me. The band was blue and matched the blue in Cinderella’s ball dress. I kept asking people if they wanted to what time it was so I could raise my wrist and show off my new watch.

“He’s too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.”

July 30, 2013

If I were Mother Nature, today would be among my finest creations. The sun is brilliant, the sky a dark blue, a slight breeze rustles the leaves and the air is clear and comfortable. Earlier, I was on the deck reading my papers and it took such a long time. I kept stopping to watch the birds at the feeders and Gracie run through the yard with her deflated basketball in her mouth. She looked joyful. almost prancing, playing in the coolness of the morning. She came on the deck and sat down beside me. I read the papers and absent-mindedly patted Gracie the whole time.

Gracie and I are going to the dump later. The trash is out by the car waiting to be loaded. Poor Gracie hasn’t been riding much as it has been too hot for her to be left while I did errands, but I always take her with me to the dump.

Wellfleet still has a drive-in movie theater. Dennis used to, but it was demolished years ago. That was my favorite of all the drive-ins. It was small and it was surrounded by trees. It was like being in your own backyard. Bugs were plentiful, but you loaded up on mosquito spray before you went so they pretty much left you alone. We used to pack a picnic basket, a tradition my father started. When I was a kid, we brought our own snacks to the drive-in as the ones in the refreshment stand were so expensive. Our adult picnic basket was a bit more elaborate. We filled thermos bottles with drinks, alcoholic drinks, and had crackers and cheese and fancy hors d’oeuvres. We’d put out our lawn chairs and sit by the speaker. We always used glasses, never plastic, and real forks and knives; however, I do admit we used paper napkins.

I thought it was a tragedy when they closed that drive-in, but land had become more valuable than a screen, speakers and some parking spots; however, most of that land remains untouched. Some of it became part of a vegetable farm, but that’s gone too. Only the shed where they sold their produce is still there but it is falling apart, a victim of the weather. Most people don’t know that behind a section of trees on a pretty well-traveled road is an open spot which used to be the drive-in. I think of it every time I go by those trees and I sigh a bit for what’s now gone.

“He’s too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.”

July 30, 2013

If I were Mother Nature, today would be among my finest creations. The sun is brilliant, the sky a dark blue, a slight breeze rustles the leaves and the air is clear and comfortable. Earlier, I was on the deck reading my papers and it took such a long time. I kept stopping to watch the birds at the feeders and Gracie run through the yard with her deflated basketball in her mouth. She looked joyful. almost prancing, playing in the coolness of the morning. She came on the deck and sat down beside me. I read the papers and absent-mindedly patted Gracie the whole time.

Gracie and I are going to the dump later. The trash is out by the car waiting to be loaded. Poor Gracie hasn’t been riding much as it has been too hot for her to be left while I did errands, but I always take her with me to the dump.

Wellfleet still has a drive-in movie theater. Dennis used to, but it was demolished years ago. That was my favorite of all the drive-ins. It was small and it was surrounded by trees. It was like being in your own backyard. Bugs were plentiful, but you loaded up on mosquito spray before you went so they pretty much left you alone. We used to pack a picnic basket, a tradition my father started. When I was a kid, we brought our own snacks to the drive-in as the ones in the refreshment stand were so expensive. Our adult picnic basket was a bit more elaborate. We filled thermos bottles with drinks, alcoholic drinks, and had crackers and cheese and fancy hors d’oeuvres. We’d put out our lawn chairs and sit by the speaker. We always used glasses, never plastic, and real forks and knives; however, I do admit we used paper napkins.

I thought it was a tragedy when they closed that drive-in, but land had become more valuable than a screen, speakers and some parking spots; however, most of that land remains untouched. Some of it became part of a vegetable farm, but that’s gone too. Only the shed where they sold their produce is still there but it is falling apart, a victim of the weather. Most people don’t know that behind a section of trees on a pretty well-traveled road is an open spot which used to be the drive-in. I think of it every time I go by those trees and I sigh a bit for what’s now gone.

“I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”

July 29, 2013

Last night it rained a bit, but today is sunny. The paper forecasts a chance of showers and temperatures in the 70’s. It seemed pretty warm when I went out for breakfast. I had the car air going but I had also opened a window. I wanted a bit of fresh air. When I got home, this part of the house felt cool. The sun hasn’t yet worked its way around.

My peace and quiet is gone. I can hear the new renters next door. They sit on their little deck, and their conversations are perfectly clear. Gracie isn’t used to strange sounds from next door so she gets up and checks every time a car moves or a door slams. One of the ladies next door was born in Maine, not in May, and she said it so loudly Gracie ran out back and barked. I am considering that an intruder alert.

My dance card has a few entries this week. On Wednesday is a play in Chatham and on Thursday friends are coming to dinner, my first entertaining gig of the summer. I should have fireworks!

I love most fish and shellfish. Salmon is an exception. Pink fish is unnatural. I also don’t like oysters, especially on the half shell. They can’t slide down fast enough. Steamed clams do have a bit of a resemblance to those oysters but steaming them then washing them in broth and dunking them in butter makes those clams quite tasty. My father, sister and I would sit at the kitchen table eating steamers. That always grossed out my mother who wouldn’t even eat fried clams with bellies. What in the heck kind of New Englander doesn’t eat clams with bellies? I only like fresh tuna; the stuff in cans is disgusting no matter what you add to it. Crabs are a lot of work. but I love crabmeat. We used to go down to the rocks and pull off the mussels just under the surface then we’d steam them and devour them. Nothing was as fresh as those mussels.

I haven’t been clamming in years, but I still vividly remember one Sunday. We were on the Brewster flats when the fog started to come in, and it came in quickly and scared the heck out of us. We grabbed our shovels and baskets and ran to the shoreline which, in only a short time, we could barely see. A few more minutes, and the shoreline would have disappeared, and we would have been stuck in the fog not knowing in which direction to walk. Yelling would have been useless. The fog distorts sound. When we got to the beach, we sat in the sand and watched the fog rolling in and covering everything. You couldn’t even see the water. We were lucky that day. We filled our baskets, got safely to shore and had steamers for dinner.

I love the fog, especially in the mornings coming off the water. That Sunday was the only time I have ever been afraid of fog.

“It never gets easier, missing you. And sometimes I wonder if it ever will.”

July 28, 2013

Last night it rained, not a lot as under the umbrellas is dry. I sat outside to read my first paper. Pandora was set to 60’s rock, the coffee was perfect and the newspaper wasn’t filled with dire events. I call that a great morning.

In the musical Camelot, King Arthur describes Camelot and says, “The rain may never fall till after sundown.” I always thought that a good idea.

I still have bits of the old Sunday in my head. It was a day to recharge for the week. We went to church, came home, got changed, and hung around until after Sunday dinner. Even then we didn’t go far. Sunday seemed to bring a quiet as if it were built in to the day. Even my neighborhood with a million kids was quiet. That’s a piece that hasn’t disappeared. I don’t hear anyone. I hear a bird or two but no people’s’ voices. Not a car has gone up my street. I know if I leave my neighborhood the stores will be open, and cars will have filled parking lots and lines of cars will sit barely moving on the roads, but for now, I’ll stay here and let it be my Sunday.

Each generation gives something to the next. Most times they probably don’t realize it. From my mother we have these wonderful sayings, and we use them all the time with each other. “It’s too cold to snow,” my mother always said. Mostly she was wrong. When it rained, it was a deluge, and my sister told me that the other day. Snow in spring is poor man’s fertilizer, and my father always noted it and so do I. My parents gave us big things, but we use the small ones the most, the every day observations of life. My mother learned them from her mother and passed them along to us without knowing we’d hold on to them so closely. They are precious and very time we use one, we bring my mother or father back with us for a little while.

No one ever told us how difficult it is and how long that feeling lasts when you lose your parents. I suppose we wouldn’t have believed them if they had.

“Learn to recognize good luck when it’s waving at you, hoping to get your attention.”

July 27, 2013

Today is lovely. The sun is shining but a little breeze is keeping the day from getting hot. It rained 2 and a half inches the last couple of days. Everything looks brighter and cleaner. I was on the deck earlier just admiring the morning and was loath to come inside, but I dragged myself in for another cup of coffee and my second paper. I’d have stayed on the deck, but everything is still too wet.

Fern is sleeping in the sun. Gracie is in and out but it will soon be her nap time. A short time ago I heard a crash and Gracie running. When I investigated, I saw the box with my new umbrella had fallen and knocked over and broken a flower-pot with a cactus in it. There was dirt all over, even in a few spider’s webs. The umbrella is still by the door as it is too heavy for me. I need to replace the older one and put up the new one in the box, but I don’t want to aggravate my back as I’m still in the I don’t lift stage according to the nurse; however, my impatient stage may overcome my don’t lift stage. That umbrella has been there almost two weeks.

I think I have lived a charmed life. I’ve fallen downstairs too many times to remember and have barely hurt myself if you don’t count the fractured shoulder and the broken teeth, but those were two different falls. I tend to space out the injuries among the falls. I have traveled. I’ve seen remarkable things.That huge line of fire ants which seemed to go on forever is one of my favorites as are the baboons on the road in front of me. I wasn’t born finicky, and I think that’s really lucky. I don’t mind dirt or strange foods. Luckily, I have never been into fashion preferring comfort over style. I do have my two dresses: the summer-spring one and the winter one. I have great friends, and my sisters would be here in a heartbeat if I needed them. I don’t have an overwhelming need to be busy all the time. My lazy gene has grown since I retried. Speaking of retirement, how lucky I was to retire at 57.

I’ve reconnected with many of my Ghanaian students, and I consider that remarkably lucky, even fateful. My local students, my DY students, are all over the place and give me hugs when we run into each other. One was over the other day. She’s a grandmother of three now. Nan met her husband in my class, and I went to the wedding. We’ve never lost touch. I get invited to reunions and usually go.

Sometimes I don’t even get dressed. I just sit and read. Other times I take an aimless ride and usually find treasures along the way. The ocean is not far, and in the winter it’s mostly mine. The front garden is beautiful and filled with flowers. I love my house and my housemates, the Misses Fern, Maddie and Gracie. I am a lucky person.

“Oh, hon, it’s the little courtesies that make life bearable, I find, wouldn’t you agree?”

July 26, 2013

Last night the rain started, kept up all night and has just now stopped. This morning, during what my mother would have called a deluge, Gracie and I went out. Between the house and the car, a short distance, I got soaked. Now you’re probably thinking why didn’t this fool use an umbrella or at least a jacket. Well, the umbrella is in the car, and I didn’t even give the jacket a thought. Gracie and I just ran. She got in first. By the time I did, my shirt was soaked, and I was already cold. Why did I go out in the middle of a Noah rain you might be wondering? I needed a blood test, a fasting blood test, and I wanted it over as quickly as possible as my body was screaming for its morning coffee. I was dressed and on the road ten minutes after I woke up. I go to a lab that never seems to have any other people so I was in and out in five minutes, got even wetter running back to the car and right away headed to Dunkin’ Donuts. The line at the drive-up window was long, but it was fast. I got two cups of a coffee and a lemon donut, my treat to myself for getting the errand done and for being soaked. The first things I did when I got home were to change into dry clothes and take a towel to Gracie.

This is the first rain in weeks, and it was a good one. I even had to shut windows last night as it was so chilly and damp. The paper predicts today will be rainy on and off. I’m going nowhere!

I am on a rampage of late. Sometimes I wish I had a cow catcher on the front of my car. I’d use it to move the cars in front of me going around 20 or 25. The driver is usually a gawker who looks to the left and right, never behind. I let people out into traffic all the time, especially those crossing into the other lane. A few wave and thank me. Others just go as if the space I had made was a God-given right of passage. Common courtesy is becoming rarer and heading toward extinction. Because of my surgery, I had to give up 4 seats, two each to two different theaters: one theater’s two seats weren’t super expensive but the other two were, over $60.00 each. I didn’t ask for any money, After all, I had already paid for the season tickets, but a thank you would have been a nice gesture. Not one person bothered to do that. The other day I got cut off by a car coming out of a side street. Sometimes that’s the only way to get on the road here in the summer, but not this time. There wasn’t a single car behind me. A wait of about 5 seconds was all the driver would have needed. I guess that was way too long to wait.

The other day I told a person, “You’re welcome,” after I had held the door for him because his arms full of packages, and he was walking away. He muttered, “Thank you,” under his breath, a coerced response, but I’m hoping he’ll pass it along, this small bit of courtesy.

My mother taught me to be courteous when I was little. Please and thank you were the first lessons. I’m wishing for a resurgence.