Posted tagged ‘wise ass’

“The wooden hairbrush has two practical uses, the bristle side to be used on her silken locks, and the harsh, wooden side to be used on her shapely seat of learning”

February 19, 2016

Thank you for all the encouragement. I have high hopes that Coffee will stay at its current address. I have joined Website Builder and will explore the site this weekend. I wonder if it has a view of the water.

Harper Lee has died. Her To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my favorite of all novels. I have reread it and The Catcher in the Rye during various stages of my life. I always find something I missed, and I learn new things mostly about people. Running around in my memory drawers are quotes which made such sense they stuck. “There’s only one kind of folks, folks,” is Scout’s view. Maybe it should be our view, all of our views.

When I was a kid, I was a wise ass. I know you find that difficult to believe, and you’re all probably shaking your heads in disbelief as you read this. It was my contention back then that my remarks, the ones which caused trouble, were involuntary. They just flew out of my mouth skipping my brain which might have cautioned me. My father was usually the receiver of my sass. He was an easy target who failed to see the humor. Mostly I just got yelled at and sent to my room. My father was, as I’ve mentioned before, a yeller, but I had learned at an early age how to ignore him but look contrite as if I were listening with the whole of me. Being set to my room was a gift, but he didn’t know that. It would be my main punishment until my teens when he’d ground me. Luckily he felt guilty and usually ungrounded me after a lecture, a small price to pay for the return of freedom.

My mother started out a yeller, but she could never carry it off. She made us laugh, but we pretended to accept the seriousness of her rant. One time, the last time we laughed, she made an unexpected return and caught us. That changed her whole approach. She’d throw her slipper and make us bring it back. We did, but reluctantly, knowing that her slipper could become a weapon in her hands. Once she threw a book at me, a dictionary, but I ducked. She got mad and left. I almost wanted to stop her and tell her never to leave as that was the worst approach to discipline. My advice to her would have been to escalate.

We weren’t really bad kids. We were mostly annoying. We’d yell and fight with each other, and that drove my mother crazy. She’d tell us to get out of the house before she did something for which she’d be sorry. We never believed her as my mother was easy going, but we left anyway. We’d grab our bikes and go off riding. It was my favorite punishment.

“There’s a lot of difference between listening and hearing.”

July 11, 2015

The day is another beauty with sun, a blue sky and no humidity. The house is cool. The weather in the paper said we’d have low 80’s today and mid 60’s tonight, perfect for sleeping. This is summer at its best.

I have lots of household chores today and I have a list. I always have a list. Even when I had a good memory, I had a list. It is in no particular order and nothing is too strenuous. Doing the laundry is the most energy-consuming task.

The Great Whites are back in Chatham. One which was tagged in the past was the first to return. It seems even sharks can’t pass up a free lunch. The seals sunbathe on the rocks unaware of what lurks below the surface where the sharks wait patiently. People are a bit more leery this year given all the attacks off the coast in North Carolina. That they are not our Great Whites is a bit of comfort.

When I was a kid, my life was filled with demands. Brush your teeth. Wash your hands before dinner. Wipe your feet on the outside mat. Hang your coat in the closet, not on the chair. Put your schoolbag away. Go upstairs and change into play clothes. Finish your homework. Don’t sit so close to the TV or you’ll go blind. Leave your sisters alone. Don’t slam the door. Go outside and play until I call you for dinner. Don’t stand looking with the refrigerator door open. No cookies before dinner. Eat all your vegetables. Get ready for bed.

I suppose my mother chatted with us in-between, but I don’t remember. Every day she pretty much made the same demands because we generally ignored them, and none of her demands stuck with us in anticipation of the next day when they began all over again with something about teeth.

I was a master at not hearing my mother. When she spouted her daily demands, the words all ran together, and I understood nothing. It was as if she was speaking in a foreign tongue. I’d nod my head pretending I was listening. When I was reading, I didn’t hear her at all as I was totally immersed in the book. She never really believed me and thought I was ignoring her on purpose. She’d ask if I had heard her, and I’d truthfully answer no. That was the wrong answer. The truth sometimes is.

When I got a bit older, sarcasm just flew out of my mouth unfettered, uncensored. My mother would go wild. I didn’t blame her as I had become a bit of a wise ass.