Archive for the ‘Musings’ category

“It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.”

June 17, 2012

My memories are filled with my Dad today, and my heart is filled to the brim with missing him, but when I close my eyes, I see him so clearly.

It’s a warm day so he’d be sitting on the front steps with his coffee cup reading the paper. He’d have on a t-shirt and maybe his blue shorts. He’d wave at the neighbors going by in their cars. They all knew him and would honk back. He loved being retired, and we were glad he had a few years of just enjoying life.

This is from 2010. I doubt I could improve upon these “Dad” stories.

Father’s Day gives me the chance to use my whole posting to talk about my Dad. He was the funniest guy, mostly on purpose but lots of times by happenstance. We used to have Dad stories, all those times when we roared and he had no idea why. He used to laugh along with us and ask, “What did I say? What did I say?” We were usually laughing too hard to tell him.

I know you’ve heard this before, but it is one of my favorite Dad stories. He, my mom and I were in Portugal. I was driving. My dad was beside me. On the road, we had passed many piggyback tandem trucks, some several trucks long. On the back of the last truck was always the sign Vehiculo Longo. We came out of a gas station behind one of those. My father nonchalantly noted, “That guy Longo owns a lot of trucks.” I was laughing so hard I could barely drive and my mother was roaring.

My father wasn’t at all handy around the house. Putting up outside lights, he gave himself a shock which knocked him off his step ladder. He once sawed himself out of a tree by sitting on the wrong end of the limb. The bookcase he built in the cellar had two shelves, one on the floor and the other too high to use. He said it was lack of wood. When painting the house once, the ladder started to slide, but he stayed on his rung anyway with brush in hand. The stroke of the paint on the house followed the path of his fall. Lots of times he set his shoe or pant leg on fire when he was barbecuing. He was a big believer in lots of charcoal lighter fluid.

My father loved games, mostly cards. We played cribbage all the time, and I loved making fun of  his loses, especially if I skunked him. When he won, it was superb playing. When I won, it was luck. I remember so many nights of all of us crowded the kitchen table playing cards, especially hi-lo jack. He loved to win and we loved lording it over him when he lost.

My father was a most successful businessman. He was hired to turn a company around and he did. He was personable and funny and remembered everyone’s names. Nobody turned him down.

My father always went out Sunday mornings for the paper and for donuts. He never remembered what kind of donut I like. His favorite was plain. He’d make Sunday breakfast when I visited: bacon, eggs and toast. I can still see him standing over the stove with a dish towel over his shoulders. He always put me in charge of the toast.

If I ever needed anything, I knew I could call my father. He was generous. When we went out to eat, he always wanted to pay and was indignant when we one upped him by setting it up ahead of time that one of us would pay. One Christmas he gave us all $500.oo, not as a gift but to buy gifts.

My father left us when he was far too young. It was sudden. He had a heart attack. I had spoken with him just the day before. It was pouring that day, and I told him how my dog Shauna was soaked. He loved that dog and told me to wipe his baby off. I still remember that whole conversation.

“Grin like a dog and wander aimlessly.”

June 16, 2012

Sometimes I just want to do nothing. I wake up, figure out what day it is, think about what I have to do and then breathe a sign of relief when I realize I don’t have to do a thing. I use days like today to ride around and see the Cape as if I were a tourist. Other times I shop in some little out-of-the-way place where I can find neat, unusual things as if my house has room for any more.

It is a back and forth sort of day. The sun peeks out of the clouds then hides again. It is only 63° and will be like this for the next few days. Wednesday is supposed to be summer hot. I predict a deck day.

The neighborhood was noisy this morning with the sounds of little kids so I was awakened at 8:00 which wouldn’t be too bad except I went to bed at 2. It was just one of those nights when I wasn’t tired. I watched the cooking channel.

Once in a while I get this urge to travel and I just want to go. The destination is unimportant. It is the going which I crave. It is needing to tend to my affliction, my wanderlust. My passport is always up-to-date just in case. My car is gassed. It would take all of five minutes to pack my bag: toothbrush, underwear, a couple of shirts and a clean pair of slacks would do me fine. I know I have a trip in August, but that feels like a long time away.

If I were exiled to an island and could bring whatever I needed to sustain me, I’d have books and music, expecting, of course, that the food would be provided as well as an unlimited supply of batteries (it is, after all, my daydream). A beach chair by the ocean would a wonderful place to while away my exile. Maybe I’d live in a thatched treehouse, a Tarzan sort of place where he and Jane had set up housekeeping. I’d swim by the reef, and I’d do a little a little fishing from my chair. My rod would be stuck in the sand so I’d have little to do but pull in dinner. Interesting debris would wash up on the shore, and I’d decorate my thatched house with the oddities brought by the tides.

I know that wouldn’t happen, especially the batteries, so I’ll settle for my deck, an oasis, an island, in the back of my house. Right now the sun is shining, the birds are at the feeders, and my deck looks like the perfect place to spend a little time with my book and my music.

I think my life is wonderful and I even like the feeling of wanderlust. It keeps me from ever being bored.

“Books are a uniquely portable magic.”

June 14, 2012

Yesterday it rained all day, and the rain left today cloudy, damp and generally miserable. It’s chilly at 60° and the dampness makes it feel even colder.  I’m wearing a sweatshirt and just closed the window I had opened earlier. No more flip-flops around the house-today it’s slippers.

The bear is gone. He was seen running around P-Town parking lots, and people were out trying to find him to take pictures so wildlife officials let it be known that they had chosen to relocate the bear so he could find himself a mate, and they wanted updates as to where he was. The bear was found, successfully tranquilized, tagged and taken to the western part of the state where we can all hope he is wooing some fair female black bear. Now we have another creature to watch. A Beluga whale, usually found in Arctic waters, has been spotted off Cape Cod. It is white which makes it an adult. The whale has been seen twice. P-Town is the summer vacation spot for right whales so maybe the Beluga read a brochure and decided to give the cape a try.

Rainy days make me want to be cozy reading a good book under an afghan. That started when I was a kid. I’d have to walk home from school in the rain, whether it was misty or torrential. I’d get soaked. My shoes got so wet that sometimes the water bubbled out the sides and my socks got so drenched I’d make footprints across the floor. My mother would grab my uniform skirt and hang it up to dry as I only had the one. That ugly western type tie we had to wear she wrapped in a towel to dry. The blouse went in the laundry. Even though it was afternoon, I’d put on my pajamas, the coziest clothes I had, as I knew I wouldn’t be going out to play and then I’d read away the afternoon. I think those were my favorite days. The darkness of my room lit only by the bed-lamp made me feel safe somehow, wrapped by my house as if it had arms. I’d be drawn into my book by familiar characters I had come to love like Nancy Drew or Trixie Belden. I never heard anyone in the rest of the house. It always seemed as if I were alone, never scared, just content.

I have one quick errand today then I’m going to change into cozy clothes, lie on the couch under an afghan and read. I can hardly wait!

“The grocery store is the great equalizer where mankind comes to grips with the facts of life like toilet tissue”

June 12, 2012

Okay, I admit it: I didn’t go grocery shopping yesterday. I just couldn’t bring myself to go do that odious chore; however, today I have to go and have ample reasons why, the most pressing being I am just about out of toilet paper. I suppose after I finish here, I’ll put on a brave face and head out to Stop & Shop.

This morning I had a library board meeting. The day was overcast and cool when I left the house just before nine. Since then, the sun has poked out of the clouds a couple of times but hasn’t yet decided to stay. I don’t mind. I like today. I like the stillness of the air and the light grey of the sky, but most of all I like the way the colors of the flowers seem to pop out of their gardens against the backdrop of the grey sky.

June is such a peculiar month. Some days are so hot it seems more like deep August while days like today, in the low 60’s, are more like April when we see the first stirrings of spring. I’m wearing a sweatshirt, and the air from the open window is making the room feel cold; however, I haven’t resorted to shoes. Sandals are now my preferred footwear.

The deck needs a bit of sweeping again but only because of leaves. All the pollen is gone, and the tables and chairs are still clean. I was just out there while I was talking on the phone, and I watered plants and picked up leaves as I chatted. It was my sister with an update on the baby. He has been moved to the NICU because of issues with his pancreas. He is tubed and has his own nurse keeping watch. My poor niece, who is mostly bed-bound, has seen little of her baby and thinks he’ll feel like an orphan. That will never happen with my sister around. She’ll keep him company. Last night it was for an hour before he ate and fell asleep. The nurses say he is a little finicky and screams as soon as he needs a diaper change. The other babies in the NICU are preemies and a set of twins together weigh less than Declan. My niece has been assured that the baby be fine though he may not be ready to go home with her on Thursday. We’ll see what happens.

I wish I had so much more to say so I could delay finishing but sadly I don’t. Stop and Shop time is getting closer.

“Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!”

June 11, 2012

Today is a perfect morning. The sun is shining, it’s cool and the birds are loudly singing their homage to the day. It’s quiet in the way weekday mornings are when people are at work and kids are in school. Gracie is asleep on the couch and breathing so deeply I know her tongue is probably out the way it always is when she sleeps so soundly. The cats are lying in the sun. Today I need to fill the bird feeders and go grocery shopping, one of my least favorite chores, but I really don’t have much choice. I’m just about out of everything-the list is long.

My niece had her baby yesterday. Declan weighed 9.2 pounds. Sarah, my niece, is a diabetic so the doctor knew the baby would be a big one. He has been watching her closely for the last month or so and knew it was time for Declan to meet the world and his family, all of whom were there. In the picture with his father, Declan is screaming and looks enormous for a newborn. I half expected to see him standing tall and maybe even saying hello. The best picture is of Declan being held by his cousin Ryder who is almost six. On Ryder’s face as he is holding the baby is the most wonderful look of awe and joy at finally meeting his cousin.

I am now the old aunt. I remember my old aunts. They were my grandmother’s sisters and were at most of our family parties. Aunt Madeline played the piano and everyone stood around and sang. My family was always great for singing. My uncle fancies himself a Bing Crosby. When I was in Africa, my sister sent me a tape of music she had recorded from the radio. I was listening to it when right in the middle I heard my uncle’s voice singing to me. He had commandeered the microphone, and I loved hearing his voice. It was a huge piece of home.

My mother always sang while she worked in the kitchen. She’d put on a CD of Tony or Frank and sing along. I have the best picture in my memory drawer of my mother working at the counter and singing as she mixed and stirred her ingredients. That kitchen was always where the singing seem to start at my parents’ parties. People would be sitting on the benches at the table or standing in front of the table their arms sometimes around each other’s shoulders. When I close my eyes, I can still see them all.

I dearly miss those parties and the singing in the kitchen. They are just about my favorite memories of my family, of all my family, of aunts and uncles and most especially Mom and Dad.

“A man will fight harder for his interests than for his rights.”

June 10, 2012

The obvious questions is why in the heck aren’t I outside as today is as amazing as yesterday. It is 70° beautiful degrees, I’m in the midst of a good book and the deck is pristine so what’s with my being in the house. Well, it’s this way: the people in the house on the next street whose house backs mine are playing music so loudly I could sing along if I were so inclined. They carry on conversations by yelling over the music, and I could join those as well as I can hear every word. I tried outside but was driven back inside by the noise. I am not a rap fan.

I met the female side of those neighbors last year. I was next door talking to her neighbor when she came over. Her hair was in curlers, the kind we used to use in high school which were so big we couldn’t sleep comfortably. She had a kerchief over them, again a throwback. She had a cigarette hanging out of the side of her mouth. Her purpose in coming over was to ask why I kept yelling out my back door for Millie. She said it was annoying. I told her that it couldn’t be all that loud as I was calling for Gracie to come inside the house. I didn’t mention the music as today isn’t the first time; it is a summer problem whenever one of them is working in the yard. I also didn’t mention the language I often hear from her mouth when she and her husband fight. I took the high road as the low road was already taken.

Once, when I was young, two neighbors got into a fist fight in the backyard, the backyard we all shared. All the neighbors came out to watch two grown men fighting and rolling all over the grass. The fight had started over a comment about one man’s wife who was German. This was maybe ten years after WWII had ended, and the comment came from a veteran who still harbored anti-German sentiments. I don’t remember how the fight ended, but in my mind’s eye I can still see them rolling on the grass and down the hill.

“A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.”

June 8, 2012

The morning is a bit chilly but is a lovely morning with a bright sun and a blue sky. According to the paper, today is supposed to be warm, 70°. I definitely need to clean the deck again so I can sit outside and enjoy the day.

I have to hit a couple of stores today, mostly for the dog, the cats and the birds. I cleaned the feeders yesterday and filled them with the last of the seed. While I was outside, a hummingbird dropped by. Gracie was lying on the lounge but sat up when she heard and saw the rapid wings of the hummingbird. It hovered a bit, and I was thrilled to be able to see the tiny bird so well. I hurried and added nectar to my hummingbird feeders. I hope it comes back to check.

When I was growing up, my mother always paid the bills. She used to have budget envelopes in which she’d place money every week when my father got paid. The envelopes were brown and were in a wallet like folder which I think I remember as red. On each envelope my mother had written the amount to put in and the bill to be paid. She also had a Christmas club at the bank so she’d have extra money for presents. Despite the envelopes and the budget, my mother always scrounged enough money for the Saturday matinée all winter and the ice cream man in the summer. On Saturdays, we’d get money for the ticket and a nickel for a candy bar. We usually bought candy which took a long time to eat like Sugar Daddies. In the summer, when Johnnie rang his ice cream truck bell, we’d run to my mother. Sometimes we’d get a nickel and that meant a popsicle while other times we’d get a dime which meant trying to figure out what we wanted. I know once in a while I’d get an ice cream sandwich or a cone, the one covered in chocolate with nuts on the top, but I also loved creamsicles and fudgesicles. It was always difficult to make a dime decision. The nickel decision was easy: a root beer popsicle. Every now and then I’d get a blue one, taste unknown, because it made my tongue blue which I thought was funny and worth showing the world by constantly sticking out my tongue.

When I first bought this house, it took half of my monthly salary to pay the mortgage, and I knew having little money meant I needed to keep a budget. I used regular white envelopes for mine and on them, like my mother, I wrote the bill to be paid and the amount to put in each envelope on pay days. I also started a Christmas club.

I survived those lean years, and at the start of every school year I made more money so within a few years I didn’t need a budget any more. I felt rich.

“A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.”

June 8, 2012

The morning is a bit chilly but is a lovely morning with a bright sun and a blue sky. According to the paper, today is supposed to be warm, 70°. I definitely need to clean the deck again so I can sit outside and enjoy the day.

I have to hit a couple of stores today, mostly for the dog, the cats and the birds. I cleaned the feeders yesterday and filled them with the last of the seed. While I was outside, a hummingbird dropped by. Gracie was lying on the lounge but sat up when she heard and saw the rapid wings of the hummingbird. It hovered a bit, and I was thrilled to be able to see the tiny bird so well. I hurried and added nectar to my hummingbird feeders. I hope it comes back to check.

When I was growing up, my mother always paid the bills. She used to have budget envelopes in which she’d place money every week when my father got paid. The envelopes were brown and were in a wallet like folder which I think I remember as red. On each envelope my mother had written the amount to put in and the bill to be paid. She also had a Christmas club at the bank so she’d have extra money for presents. Despite the envelopes and the budget, my mother always scrounged enough money for the Saturday matinée all winter and the ice cream man in the summer. On Saturdays, we’d get money for the ticket and a nickel for a candy bar. We usually bought candy which took a long time to eat like Sugar Daddies. In the summer, when Johnnie rang his ice cream truck bell, we’d run to my mother. Sometimes we’d get a nickel and that meant a popsicle while other times we’d get a dime which meant trying to figure out what we wanted. I know once in a while I’d get an ice cream sandwich or a cone, the one covered in chocolate with nuts on the top, but I also loved creamsicles and fudgesicles. It was always difficult to make a dime decision. The nickel decision was easy: a root beer popsicle. Every now and then I’d get a blue one, taste unknown, because it made my tongue blue which I thought was funny and worth showing the world by constantly sticking out my tongue.

When I first bought this house, it took half of my monthly salary to pay the mortgage, and I knew having little money meant I needed to keep a budget. I used regular white envelopes for mine and on them, like my mother, I wrote the bill to be paid and the amount to put in each envelope on pay days. I also started a Christmas club.

I survived those lean years, and at the start of every school year I made more money so within a few years I didn’t need a budget any more. I felt rich.

“The schools ain’t what they used to be and never was.”

June 5, 2012

Just read the weather description for Saturday through today and say ditto. It seems it will be like this through at least tomorrow and maybe even Thursday. The sun may deign to appear on Thursday afternoon, but then again, maybe not. My deck has been swept many, many times, but you’d never believe me if you saw the debris on it today.

From the time I was a kid, June was the second best month of the year. December with Christmas beat it out, but June meant no more school and the long anticipated arrival of endless summer days. All the other months paled in comparison. We used to get out early in June, usually before the public schools did. I guess that was our prize for putting up with nuns and wearing uniforms.  I remember the last day was always a half-day used for cleaning out our desks, returning school books and getting our report cards, the ones which announced we’d been promoted. That piece of news was always on the bottom of the back underneath the subjective appraisals about behavior and work habits. The front was for grades in all our subjects, and we had many. My favorite was always silent reading. I figured I got a good grade because my lips didn’t move when I read. We also got grades for penmanship, oral reading, spelling, arithmetic, geography, music, art, religion and science which was paired with health and safety. I don’t remember being taught anything having to do with health and safety so I have no idea what they mean. The back was the fun part: is obedient, is courteous, works well with others, takes care of property, does careful work, finishes work on time and puts forth best effort. The only time you got graded was if you got a NO which I did in the first grade for does careful work and puts forth best effort. I guess a messy paper meant a cavalier approach to learning.

I remember running home on that last day freed for a couple of months from the fetters of a desk, books and a nun in a habit.

“I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock.”

June 4, 2012

Third day in a row of rain and that damp cold. It is only 52° right now, and there is a wind which makes it feel colder. Last night was a snuggle under the blanket night as I had my bedroom window open. Fern and Gracie were huddled beside me for the warmth.

Dinner was a smashing success. The curry was perfect. It had enough heat to make it interesting, and the taste of the fruit and the curry together was like a rainbow of colors bursting in your mouth. The coconut ice cream and the chocolate sea salt caramel was a perfect ending to the meal. The sauce was extraordinary and the salt gave it the most amazingly wonderful flavor. The talking stopped when the dessert eating began. I prepared the appetizers and the chicken and spices then John and Michelle came and John took over with the chopping and the sauce making. I loved it. I got to sit and enjoy my company. Michelle and I sat in the dining room so we could keep John company while he minced and chopped. After dinner, my guests cleaned up. That was wonderful and I was profusely thankful. I am always exhausted after cooking for hours and then having to clean up, usually by myself. All that’s left is to put away the dishes!

It was so wonderful having Michelle and John here. She got to put faces to names and see the house. Michelle is a Coffee reader so she knew my friends and had a picture in her head of what my house must look like based on what she has been reading. Michelle took lots of pictures. My friends easily took to Michelle and John. It boggles my mind that Michelle and I first met in 1969, and when we see each other, our friendship never skips a beat. I love John and I love his patience with Michelle and me when we reminisce. Their visit was all too short but they’re off for the rest of their vacation, three more weeks on the road. They’ll make Bangor today.

I’m going to take it easy today and finish reading the Sunday papers I didn’t get to read between watching the flotilla and making the dinner preparations.

I’m back! My electricity went off, and I wondered if a giant rat had eaten all my wires, but I used my cell and called my friend down the street. He had none either. I could rest easily!