Archive for the ‘Musings’ category

“Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!”

November 25, 2018

Last night it rained. It was a gentle rain at first as Henry’s wet fur was how I knew it was raining. Later it poured. I was lying in bed and could hear it on the roof. Today is dark and damp. The clouds are rain clouds so more is coming. I have one errand today. Henry is having his picture taken with Santa.

When I was really young, Santa came to our apartment in South Boston. I have a picture of me on Santa’s knee. The look on my face is pure wonder. My brother was too afraid to leave the bedroom so there are no pictures of him with Santa. It is probably a good thing as I suspect he was always on the naughty list.

Going to Boston at Christmas time was wonderful. The Common was filled with lights, and reindeer were in a fenced-in pen. That was the first time I was ever so close to reindeer. I remember their antlers and the color of their fur. I also remember the clouds in the air from them breathing out their noses.

We went to Jordan Marsh to see Santa and the Enchanted Village. The line to get to Santa was long, but we didn’t care. We were enthralled by the Enchanted Village. It was all along the route to Santa, sometimes on both sides. There were houses filled with people, toy shops, animals, people skating and shopping and so much more. All of the characters moved. Their heads swiveled or bowed, their hands worked on toys, and the shoemaker fixed a shoe. I was so excited. I had never seen anything like that before. Jordan Marsh, according to my mother, always had the best looking Santas. I don’t remember what any of them looked like. I just remember being in awe. He was the real Santa to me.

“The love of books is among the choicest gifts of the gods.”

November 24, 2018

Today will be on and off cloudy. It is 40˚ which is warm enough. The sun will make an appearance, but I don’t care one way or the other. I’ll adjust. Besides, the sun isn’t warm anymore. It is mostly a backdrop.

The moon last night was huge and beautiful, and I could easily see the face of the man in the moon. He was smiling.

I don’t know if kids read nursery rhymes anymore. I know my mother read them to me all the time so when I wrote about last night’s moon Hey Diddle Diddle jumped into my head. I never questioned how a cow could jump over the moon or whether a cat could really play a fiddle or a dog laugh, but I did wonder why the dish ran away with spoon.

When I was a kid, my mother read Treasure Island to my brother and me at bedtime. I remember not wanting to go to bed and wanting more of Long John Silver. I hated when  bedtime seemed to come far too quickly. We always begged for more, just a chapter or two, and once in a while my mother gave in and kept reading. When I could read by myself, I right away read Treasure Island. When I was 8 or 9, a TV program called Treasure Island, The Adventures of Long John Silver started. Long John was more likeable than not. He was no rogue, no traitor. I remember he had a gravelly voice and said pirate things like swabs, slimy squids and mutinous maggots. I loved that show.

I read all the classics when I was a kid and still have a few of the books I got for Christmas. Even back then I treasured books and took great care of mine. They are in wonderful condition except the paste on their bindings has dried so the bindings are loose. Also, the pages have yellowed. I was ten when I got Little Woman. My school bussed us to the next town that year, my fifth grade year, while they were building a new school so I read Little Women on the bus.

I read before I go to sleep. Some nights I read for an hour or more. When I know I’m tired, I check how many pages until the chapter ends. I swear that’s a hold over from when my mother read to us. She always finished the chapter before she turned off the light.

“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”

November 23, 2018

Today is a cold day. I’m staying home, doing laundry and finishing the book I’m reading. I’m not at all tempted to leave my warm house. I’ll do that tomorrow.

I am a pet person from a family of pet people. All of my memories seems to include one pet or another. We had two Woolworth’s painted turtles which lived for years in a bowl on the counter in the kitchen. The bowl had a fake plastic palm tree on a small island where the turtles used to sit or lie or whatever it is turtles do. Whenever we killed or wounded a fly, we gave it to the turtles. When the last turtle passed away at the advanced age of four or five, it was given a solemn funeral and buried in the woods in a tobacco tin lined with cloth. Lots of goldfish came and went. They lasted a short while before taking their final journeys through bathroom pipes to that great ocean in the sky. Duke, the Boxer, who died when he was fifteen, was the pet we had the longest. He was also the best pet we ever had. When I was a junior in high school, we got Gideon the cat. He used to love the car and would sit on the back of the front seat with part of him resting on my dad’s shoulders. Once he bit my father on the nose. We almost had an accident. Gideon was the first in what became a long line of cats.

I am without a cat for the first time in I don’t remember how long. In Ghana, my students gave me one, and he, Tas, came back with me. Maddie and Fern were both rescues. I picked them because they were dog friendly. Both were five when they came home. I know Henry is cat friendly. He paid no attention to Maddie except to try to eat her food. A cat is in my future plans, but I want to spend more time with Henry by himself. He is still a work in progress.

Most of my siblings and their families have pets. None of us can imagine our lives without one or usually many. They ignore peculiarities and offer unconditional love. You can’t ask more than that.

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures”

November 22, 2018

Happy Thanksgiving! I wish you a day filled with love in the company of family and good friends. As you gather around a bountiful table, give thanks for all we have been given.

It is really cold, and the wind doesn’t help. The sun is just a prop, but I am comfy and warm. I’m watching the parade and having my coffee with the Danish I bought yesterday, an apple Danish. Henry is eating a decorated turkey biscuit. He licks off the frosting first. He is now ready for a nap. I am going out later for dinner at my favorite restaurant, The Ocean House.

Thanksgiving seems to be the one holiday almost all of us celebrate and turkey is universal. Eating meat, though, is not a prerequisite. Celebrating and feasting with friends and family are the only givens. Of all the holidays, I think Thanksgiving carries the most traditions from generation to generation. The food seldom changes. Some dishes are added, but family favorites reappear year after year. No one dares to leave one off the menu.

When I was a kid, my mother was always up early, when it was still dark. She was getting the turkey and the stuffing ready for the oven. The turkeys were always huge. She used a blue enamel roasting pan with little white dots. The turkey just about fit. My mother periodically basted the turkey and always pulled off the crisp end of the stuffing to eat. The windows fogged in the kitchen. The house smelled divine. It smelled of turkey.

A Thanksgiving

For summer rains, and winter’s sun,
For autumn breezes crisp and sweet;
For labors doing, to be done,
And labors all complete;
For April, May, and lovely June,
For bud, and bird, and berried vine;
For joys of morning, night, and noon,
My thanks, dear Lord, are Thine!

For loving friends on every side;
For children full of joyous glee;
For all the blessed Heavens wide,
And for the sounding sea;
For mountains, valleys, forests deep;
For maple, oak, and lofty pine;
For rivers on their seaward sweep,
My thanks, dear Lord, are Thine!

For light and air, for sun and shade,
For merry laughter and for cheer;
For music and the glad parade
Of blessings through the year;
For all the fruitful earth’s increase,
For home and life, and love divine,
For hope, and faith, and perfect peace,
My thanks, dear Lord, are Thine!

~~John Kendrick Bangs 1862-1922

I want to give my thanks to all of you who have made Coffee a community.

I prefer winter and Fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape — the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show.

November 20, 2018

Today is raining, the rain promised by the weatherman. The sky is really dark. A breeze is blowing the upper branches, the ones filled with the dead leaves. It is all and all an ugly day.

Here in New England every season has its own wardrobe. Fall is a warm sweater. It’s shoes and socks and cozy clothes for the chilly nights. Winter is the layered season, a sweater and a warm shirt under a heavy jacket. It’s mittens and hats and fleece lined boots. Winter is a blanket on the bed. Spring is a bit of winter and a spark of summer. It’s a warm jacket on a chilly day or a lighter one on a sunny day. It’s an open window and fresh air. Summer is sandals and short sleeves. It’s cotton weather. It’s a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Right now some days are both winter and fall. The daylight hours are warm at 50˚ while the dark nights are chilly at 35˚, but that will change later in the week. Thanksgiving may be the coldest on record.

Jigsaw puzzles are a favorite of mine. I started young with huge pieces in an eight piece puzzle and worked my way up to the larger puzzles. My favorite size is 500 pieces because the finished puzzle fits perfectly on my table. My mother used to have one in process on the dining room table, and everyone, on the way to the kitchen, always stopped to try and add a piece. I gave my mother a new puzzle every Christmas, and my sister continues the tradition. Last year it was snowmen. I enjoy doing the puzzle while watching TV. It’s a perfectly fine way to spend an evening.

With the change in season, the house becomes my refuge from the cold. I stay by myself more. I plan trips I may never take. It’s the planning I enjoy. I read, sometimes all day. Nothing is better than a book you just can’t put down. Some days I stay in flannel cozies and slippers. I nap on the couch under a warm, comfy afghan. I feel content with my lot. I’m thinking it can’t get much better than that.

“Leftovers in their less visible form are called memories. Stored in the refrigerator of the mind and the cupboard of the heart.”

November 19, 2018

Okay, I’m tired of clouds. Last night was beautiful with a bright moon and a clear sky. What happened after I went to sleep? The sky is now a dull grey. If it were a person, I’d think it boring. Nothing is moving, not even the smallest branch. Even a little wind would have added a bit of drama to the day. My plans too are boring. I’m going nowhere. I’m just going to catalog my Christmas presents so I’ll know what I have and what I need.

Last night I took my socks off and left them on the floor. This morning one had disappeared. Henry, I thought. Well, I found the other sock downstairs. I know it didn’t walk by itself. Some time during the night Henry brought it downstairs. I missed it all.

Henry now barks when a bell is rung on TV. I tried to explain that barking was unnecessary, but he was barking so loudly he didn’t hear me.

I have odd memories of events which happened when I was really little. They seem to have no context and stand singly. One memory has to do with a pond and a half submerged row boat. I remember water lilies and leeches and my mother screaming. I can still see white Adirondack chairs standing by the water, and I have a hazy memory of my father’s aunt. I don’t remember my great-grandmother, on my father’s side, but I can still see the narrow wooden stairs in her house which connected one floor with another. I do remember my great-grandfather, on my mother’s side, who used to sit by the giant heater in my grandmother’s living room. He scared me, and I’d run by him as quickly as I could. I didn’t remember why I ran until my mother told me he once took my Easter basket away.

At 37 Washington Ave., the stairs had a landing. I remember playing there with my dolls. I was probably no older than five or six as we were still there when my sister, five years younger than I, was born. 16 Washington Ave. was where we moved shortly after that. I always think it funny that the houses are remembered by their numbers.

I have tons of memories of Christmas though most of them have jumbled together over the years. For some reason, though, I remember the ice skates. They were old ones, the kind that buckled to your shoes. When I first woke up, they weren’t under the tree. Later that day they were. When I asked my mother, she told me I must have missed them, but I knew I hadn’t.

This last memory stills make me laugh. I wore braces for years, including the ones where tiny elastics were stretched from my lower to my upper braces. I remember sitting behind my father in the car and talking when one elastic flew out of my mouth and hit him in the back of the neck. He swatted his neck like he’d been bitten by a wasp. I suppose I must have said something, but I don’t remember it. Maybe I just laughed.

“The past is never dead, it is not even past.”

November 18, 2018

The morning is chilly, not cold, just chilly. The sun is out, but the sky does have a few clouds. I watched a spawn of Satan try to eat seeds from the feeders. It went from the long feeders to the suet feeders. My favorite was watching him on the roof of a suet feeder. He had trouble balancing and the feeder swayed from to side then he jumped off. He finally found one, but he had to eat upside down though he didn’t seem hindered. The feeder is empty. I’ll put in new seeds, but I’ll sprinkle them with cayenne.

Yesterday I was walking into my den when I realized I was in my favorite place at the perfect moment in time. The light was on, and it spread warmth throughout the room. The dog was stretched on the couch, and I could hear him deep breathing. I felt contented, and I smiled at my good fortune.

Life is really a quilt of moments sewn together without any thought to design, color or shape. The whiff of a familiar smell or the shape of a hand or the color of a shirt brings back a moment and connects us with an experience, never forgotten but seldom recalled. We hear a few notes from a long ago song, and, with a whoosh, the rest of the experience comes roaring into our memories and floods us with all the people and places forever connected to that song, memories we had shelved. The smell of a pie transports me to a small kitchen at 16 Washington Ave and the baking mitt on my mother’s hand. All of a sudden I’m remembering Thanksgiving and Christmas and cinnamon and sugar cookies, all triggered by the memory of my mother wearing that mitt and pulling a shelf from the oven.

One afternoon, walking home from school, I got so soaking wet even my shoes bubbled. When I got in the door, I shed the wet wear, went upstairs, got cozy and jumped into bed, book in hand. I nestled under the covers, turned on the bed lamp and began to read. As I was lying there, I felt warm and protected. Yesterday, it was the memory of that so long ago moment which gave me cause to smile. 

“God in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why.”

November 17, 2018

Today is sunny with a breeze strong enough to drop more leaves. My grass and driveway have disappeared. After the yard had been cleared, it took only a day for them to be hidden again. My father would have spent a day like today raking and then burning the leaves.

I have had a few false starts this morning. I think my muse is still sleeping. First I wrote about today’s obituaries. The one of the woman described as loving to shop caught my eye. I wondered if she’d approve of that legacy. Then there was the man who bowled, his favorite pastime, and I wondered about my own obituary, but then I got stuck so I stopped, thought a bit then went on to another subject. Yearbooks were next. I always felt bad for the kids with nothing under their pictures. They spent four years of high school being phantoms. From there I jumped to still waters run deep, the classic description of the shy kid no one knew well. At that point I stopped and deleted what I’d written. It had led nowhere.

I then sat for the longest time letting my mind wander. Here’s where it went: I thought about pajamas with matching tops and bottoms. Mine were flannel in the winter and cotton in the summer. I remembered wearing them to the drive-in and having to put on my robe to go to the bathroom, about the only time I ever wore it. White canvas sneakers with pointed toes were fashionable when I was in high school. I thought they were uncomfortable as my toes didn’t have enough room, but I wore them anyway. Pain for beauty is what my mother used to say. We always kept a fly swatter in the house. I remember trying to perfect my technique. I had to be slow in aiming but quick in swatting. Now that I think about it, the fly swatter was pretty gross. It was never cleaned but kept hanging on a hook in the kitchen anyway. Even grosser than the swatters were those fly paper strips which hung from the ceiling. They spiraled like an odd decoration and were always covered in dead flies which had gotten stuck to the paper.  They were mostly in stores up town. I never thought them strange or disgusting.

Well, look at this: despite the loss of my muse, I did manage to finish another entry in the Coffee saga.

“Oh, comfortable cocoa!”

November 16, 2018

We got some snow yesterday. It was only a little, but any snow is dramatic. After the snow came the rain, pouring rain, and the wind. I could hear clumps of the wet snow falling on the deck and against the house, but Henry never moved so I knew the sound didn’t come from an intruder. This morning when I went to get the papers I noticed a bit of snow in my neighbor’s yard. It would never have survived the rain so more snow must have fallen after the rain. Today is warm, in the 50’s. I didn’t expect that.

When I was a kid, the fresh wet snow meant a snowball fight. We’d bundle up and go outside hoping to find our snowball armies. We’d all get together and choose sides then we’d build two walls facing each other, our protection from the snow missiles. Finally, we’d make the ammo. Snowballs were especially easy to make when the snow was as wet as last night’s. We’d wait for heads to appear over the wall and then let loose. I had a good arm and a good aim. I was blessed.

Today is a dark day. The sun showed up behind the clouds earlier this morning then disappeared for good. It will get colder as the day winds into night.

Yesterday I craved a pizza for dinner, but it got too later to order delivery so I fell back on my breakfast anytime meal. I had two eggs over easy, some bacon and two pieces of toast. It was delicious, but today I’m ordering pizza, thin crust with chorizo.

I could go out, but I’m thinking staying inside and being warm and cozy. I’m thinking a hot chocolate with a spoonful of Fluff on top. When I was a kid, it was a favorite treat. I remember waiting for the Fluff to melt a bit so it spread across the top of the cocoa. I also remember the Fluff mustache and the fun of licking it off. For days like today, it’s a good thing I always have Fluff on hand.

“I had three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.”

November 15, 2018

Last night was cold. Today is the same. The sky is covered in white clouds and rain is on its way. I’m going nowhere today. All I have on my to-do list is fill the bird feeders and water the plants.

My dining room is filled with plants. Some are on tables while others hang near the windows. There are no curtains on the three windows. The room is painted in what is called nutmeg. It is my favorite color of any of the rooms. The dining room table was made for me by a furniture maker using Shaker plans. That was close to 40 years ago. It was $400.00 which was a king’s ransom in those days. The chairs are mismatched on purpose. A shelf and two sconces were made for me by a friend’s father, also close to 40 years ago. He too used Shaker plans. The hutch is filled with Simon Pearce glasses bought in Ireland before he became famous. I can’t afford him now. Some Belleek pieces share the shelves. I bought them in Dublin. One wine glass sits in the middle of a shelf and is my favorite. My father bought it in Belgium during the war. There were four glasses so we each, my siblings and I, got one. I love my dining room.

My den is the grubby room. It is where I spend most of my time because the TV and computer are there. It alone of all the rooms hasn’t been painted in a long while because there are shelves too filled to empty and furniture too heavy to move. My friends got new furniture so I got their old couch and chair. I needed new furniture so I was thrilled at their offer. Henry and I both love the couch.

I bought my house in 1977 when I was 29. The mortgage was half my month’s salary so I was too poor to go anywhere or do anything. My trips to Europe ended. I had almost no furniture, but I did have a TV and a day bed. They were in the den where I spent all of my time even back then. Also in the den was a desk aka my dining table. I  laugh at these memories because I still pretty much live in the den but it is now filled with furniture and books, and I mean filled. I am where I started.